Hope everyone is travelling well
I’ve returned from my wayfaring ways, 7 weeks in the northern hemisphere
I don’t even know where to start ? Haha
So much happened and my spirit was in nirvana.
I don’t want to bang on about it, but fuck it was intense.
So many teachings, so many synchronicity’s and messages came thick and fast.
The dreams were extraordinary.
I was so open and relaxed that my brain forgot to decipher, and that’s a good thing.
In the moment totally with all that came my way.
It sort of showed me, how much I’m in my head when I do life on a day to day basis.
Ya know ….Life I think we all get stuck in it, don’t we? It’s a hard one to come out of, I’ve tried by practicing, but I totally suck at it.
I can’t be fucked half the time and figure I’m not trying to be a enlightened master…so we do our best with what we’ve got.
I think when you travel, something in the soul free’s up , because you’re doing something you love. I guess we are all like that.
That’s the key, doing what you love and being honest with yourself I reckon.
I’m still remembering the different things that happened and the big medicine and healing I received from being in the land of my ancestor’s.
It was definitely a pilgrimage of sorts.
I got to see places I’ve only dreamt about.
I’ve tried to write a couple of times about the magic for the blog, but yeah it’s not coming.
I think it’s for me to process and then put into practice.
I’m excited to open the healing space again, just to see what comes through.
I’ll still be doing them distance, for me it’s the best way to work.
I can go straight in and meet you in the shadows, in the deepest part, that we don't show. My favorite !!
If I could build a cave and trust me, seriously thinking about it on the land, I would have sessions in there.
One thing that definitely ingrained throughout the trip (even though I already knew), was my love for the underground. I feel so at home and the remembering is powerful.
In the dark, with limited light, my senses tune in and what comes in, is all the feels.
I can see, hear and feel.
I love working with people, but feel I can be better of service when I can just meet you there in the ethers and do what needs to be done.
I can get distracted by all the feels when doing them in person, and no offence, I don’t want to know anything about your life or situation previously to healing.
It’s of no concern to me, and it doesn’t matter. Whatever you need in the healing will happen, that’s all I know.
Same goes for reading the Tarot and animal messages. By taking away the human element/expectations, your spirit is free to rock the fuck on and receive.
Truth: the seekers quest.
Some find it in connection to religion/spirit. The divine. I guess it’s all about perception and what you believe to be the truth and all our truths are different.
I haven’t found it spirituality at all. At the core, I understand it but I will never follow blindly, the concepts of religion or spirituality.
Which leads into the existential crisis syndrome. Why are we here? What Have we come to achieve? What’s our journey? Why?
I’ll always be searching, I know this. Some have said to me, When I find God, I’ll find peace. I’ve had that said to me on numerous occasions. May be that’s the search? To find the God within? Who knows?
I know very early on in my quest, I had a dream where I was sitting in a pub and a very non –descript man sat next to me. He looked me straight in the eye and told me I have everything I need within. I didn’t need to search without.
That dream, has stayed with me. I call it my God dream. Did I stop searching? Hell no. But what I did do was trust myself more.
I stopped buying the guru books and going to workshops to improve myself “spiritually”.
I’m not saying I know everything, because fuck me, I don’t. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with workshops either.
But for me, at that point in my life I was voracious and would go and learn anything I could. I would often walk away, feeling “undone”. I would go with a open heart and want to learn, only to walk away and be disappointed because I felt didn’t learn anything new. But like always, I did learn, it may not have been evident at the time.
Just not in the way I expected. I learnt how to be accepted, I learnt the “rules”, I learnt the new age way.
The biggest teaching for me was: I actually learnt how not to be.
Fast forward: So my journey continues with feeling like a fish out of the ocean or like alien stranded on a distant planet.
Why? Because I’ve been waiting for understanding. It’s not anyone’s’ job to understand me, I finally get it.
Just like it’s not my job to understand them. It is what it is.
(I have done previous posts on my journey through religion and the new age for my thoughts on it if you’re interested, check it out)
I thought I needed acceptance from peers but, more than anything I wanted to be understood.
That’s a huge mantle to carry, fucking depressing actually. We are all weird as fuck when you get down to the bones of it.
When people asked me what I do in healings, I could never explain it on paper or in words and it killed me. I needed/wanted people to understand and feel comfortable with it. And I never could.
So when I finally fitted the last piece of the puzzle, The weight lifted off me.
I have been doing distance healings, and it has been fantastic.
They are as freaky as fuck, just the way I like it. I’m in the in-between with no distractions. I can journey into your energy and clear shit. I still can’t explain it and I’m not going to. It’s just what I do and who I am.
That's my Truth.
Got a motherfucker in your energy? I’ll rip them out by their throat, then bless them.
Need a balance? I’ll Zen as fuck you
Haha That’s’ the best explanation I’ve ever come up with !!!
So yeah, If ya want a healing I’m only doing distance by appointment.
Nick Cave & Grinderman say it best with their lyrics to Get it on
"I had to get up to get down to start all over again
Head on down to the basement and shout
Kick those white mice and black dogs out
Kick those white mice and baboons out
Kick those baboons and other motherfuckers out
And get it on ,get it on, get it on
On the day that you got born"
Aquarius & Eclipse season is here Yay!
Hope everyone got a chance to see the super, blue, blood moon last night!
(If you didn't, here is pic from Melbourne;Australia. When she was full ,before the eclipse )
I know in parts of Europe they will not be able to see it.The energy will still be there though, just because it's hidden, doesn’t mean you won’t feel it. The lead up to it was intense.
When the moon was in cancer ,before she transited into Leo I was melancholy and then when she moved into Leo I was pissed off, the lions roar was deafening. Such is the life when you live by lady luna cycles!
I know that sounds ridiculous, but if chart your emotions by the stars and moon…fuck me.
There has been so much cosmically happening this year already and we just moved into the second month of the year…head spins
Christmas and the new year was blur,questioning if it happened? Like legit!
Before Christmas ,I made plans in my head of what I wanted to to do in this year of our lord 2018. The focus was definitely coming from a place of I gotta do more spiritually.
The pressure of being a healer/death worker/tarot was getting to me. And I felt I needed to do more, obviously I was taking way too many drugs or not enough. (joking of course)
What a crock ! Because I was happy doing none of it. The martyr in me was activated…it’s always there. Every job I’ve ever had, has been one of service. A sense of duty.
From serving in pubs through school years, to becoming a personal carer and then nurse/ healer. Still in service.
Wanting to help people and being altruistic is definitely a part of it .
But last year held some big teachings.I closed down the FB page and decided I wasn’t playing there anymore. The spiritual world was leaving a bad taste in my mouth and was I looking out at it, rather than within.
Change comes through really looking at yourself and questioning the emotions and feelings.
There is always doubt and ya know the universal signs can just fuck you up even more, cause ya gotta decode that shit!
Albert Einstein is broadly credited with exclaiming
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”
Other verifiable evidence of the quote's original authorship come from:
1. Rita Mae Brown's 1983 novel, Sudden Death, published by Bantam Books, New York p.68 (attributed to Jane Fulton)
Before people with mental illness, get all up in my grille
This, I believe is not about a legitimate diagnosis of insanity
It's not meant to be taken literally
I believe it's about us all on the merry go round.
Day in day out and not getting off it to change the pattern.
So I wanted to change the thought processes and my ingrained need to be responsible and serve
Ohh I went there. Lots of cellular memory and patterns from life times past and all connected to this crooked path.
I had my solar return chart done by the star witch Mikailah
IT was Brilliant!
Mapped through the stars and planets of my choice to return through the galactic gate.
I explored more through the human design and found my path to be (no surprises ) The martyr / heretic
It’s all about Bless you /fuck you in one breath
Eternally searching for the truth, wanting to share with the masses what I’ve learned
“The 3rd line profile is driven to experiment with certain things or put themselves in situations so they can have an experience from which they extract truths
After synthesizing the impact, they then share the results with world or at least their local community. Because society judges some experiments as failures the 3rd line carries the moniker of Martyr.”
“The 5th line kicks in to share the results of these experiments/experiences in a projected way, The 5th line is driven to create this change, often geared toward changing the behavior of others. This projection also carries an absoluteness to it, as in “I know this is right.” However since this energy is projected, it needs to be invited. People don’t want change unless they are ready for it. If the prognostications of the 5th line are not invited then the 5th line person can feel the oppression of rejection or the insult of being ignored. This is why the 5th line carries the moniker of the Heretic.”
So to top it off I’m in my Chiron return too
The wounded healer
Like I said earlier ,cosmic baby
This year is all about me, as you can probably tell from the post !! haha
I’m not doing any readings/healings/tarot this year
The only work I will be doing is in service to death and the dark mothers: The keening Circles with Julia and Kaggi.
It feels so good to step away from the service of healing/tarot to others
I don’t know why, maybe it will return? Maybe it won’t?
I’ve learned one thing: If you feel you need to do it just out of responsibility, it’s not real or truthful and probably ego driven
It's Gotta make your heart sing
Then you know you’re on a winner
Woke up with all the feels of the bloodhound gang <3 In the bestest way xx
Hail and welcome 2017
So how has the new year treated you thus far?
It’s been a bit of a mixed bag hasn’t it?
I started out with a bang, saw the amazing Nick cave and Bad seeds
Celebrated the Chinese new year in the city and found my badass self with the Transformers (Bumble bee & Optimus prime) Ya know saving the universe and shit :)
I think I peaked too early
2016 lessons were lingering and I needed to follow that shadow down the rabbit hole
Sometimes when your floundering around looking for answers to life’s problems/questions
It can hit you in unexpected ways.
I put it out to the universe many years ago to let me see, to always find the hidden, and I forgot.
To always see the divine, to see the joy in life and I forgot
To honor the freedom that’s my birthright and I forgot
To see the love and the connections and I forgot
To remember my past, present and future and I forgot
To unbind the fears and shackles of the past and live in the moment and I forgot
To always find it within and I forgot
Through the joy of that epic day mentioned above, the remembering came flooding back.
Restless, pissed off and uninspired
I grabbed the bull by the horns and rode that motherfucker into the darkness
It’s always where I find the light, always
We all have treasures hidden in our darkness
My darkness propels me forward to the light
I relinquished my control in the darkness
I hear my voice calling me and all my gifts
The good, the bad and ugly
To anyone feeling the same
Hear your voice in the dark
"When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow".
— Ursula K. Le Guin
As we enter 2017 and leave the 2016 behind , thoughts of whata shit year come to mind for many people
2016 was a completion year, in numerology it was a 9 year. 2017 is a 1 year , a new beginning year , so to speak.
The theory is what you have learnt over the past 9 year cycle , you can now put into practice.
So ? What have you learnt?
As I reflect back, this energy for me personally, has been around since 2011 niggling and preparing for the 9 year.
Everything I have learnt and still am learning was exposed in 2016. Nowhere to hide anymore. Shit was reflected back at a defcon 10 level
Some of my most epic moments I have 2016 to thank for.
Whilst I was amongst it, it was hard, at times kicking and screaming like a banshee but in the process of going deep, 2016 allowed me that.
Massive clearing and unfucking moments.
I’m still not clear what the next step is in my journey, but I have a better idea: no regrets
The uncertainty has dissolved and am open to whatever may come as a gift of the number 1.
I reckon we have all put in the hard yards and cosmically the power of 1 is already working
So 2016 fuck you/ thankyou very much from the bottom of my gracious and humble heart for the lessons you bestowed on me.
Hail and welcome 2017
Changing woman is a revered Navajo goddess
According to legend, Changing Woman changes continuously but never dies.
She grows into an old woman in winter, but by spring, she becomes a young woman again.
In this way, she represents the power of life, fertility, and changing seasons.
I know I'm always changing.
Looking back sometimes I'm mortified at old beliefs or things written/spoken.
I can wake up feeling old and by the afternoon I'm a kid again; constantly changing.
My husband calls me Chaos ,not many people can handle my changes.
Bless him :)
The theme of change is constant around a lot of us, do we fight the changes or do we accept it ?
Do we even notice them?
Think of times of change: fucking hardcore
Change is scary
Change is hard
But once it's blazed away the shit... you’re changed for better or worse
Change comes in many forms and the universe is a constant teacher.
I guess we are being called to pay attention to our hearts and where our change leads us.
Is it where you need to be?
Mostly I welcome the change , other times ya gotta drag me kicking and screaming.
Yep denial is a old, safe love of mine. It's safe because I don't have to change.
I can't face the mirror that's being held up for me to look.
I get around to it...eventually
I usually find that once I've looked, inherently I'm the same inside , but changed or in the process of changing.
Changing woman has been around a while for me and she often appears when I feel stagnant.
The changes are occurring but slowly, probably giving me time to catch my breath rather than hold it which I have a tendency to do.
The road is clearing but still many changes need to occur.
But I guess that’s life isn't it ?
I remember a time, when I was searching daily
For that place where I belong
For that place where I fit in
I thought I finally found it within the “New Age’
You see I sucked as a catholic. Always in trouble and the dogma didn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.
I remember it clearly when I found the divine feminine in a patriarchal religion
I got into so much trouble one day, for what I can’t even remember?
So being a kid I went to the place where we were not allowed, out the back near the incinerator.
It always dumbfounded me that no one was allowed there …because there was a statue of Mother Mary holding the Christ child.
I was alone and held her hand and talked to her…railing against the bullshit of catholic “rules”
I told her I didn’t understand
I told her I didn’t believe
I told her I hated the church
Whether it was just getting it all " out "so to speak or I really had a connection to a higher spirit, I don’t know but I felt so much peace at that moment and a knowing that everything about me was ok.
I wasn’t the devils spawn as the priests had told me.
My god wasn’t all fire and brimstone, like they wanted me to believe, he was love and from that day me and the almighty have been ok
I denounced religion that day, I was 13
FWD to later years…..still searching, enter the
Accepting, passive ,love and light…yeah I could do that ( so I thought).
The deeper I got into it, the bigger the cracks and me back to square one.
Where the fuck do I fit?
Again the dogma and the rules, or guidelines
So I went from hell and into the light
And I still sucked as a New ager
I was still the outcast and the perceived dark motherfucker
I remember asking a Reiki Master about the negative or shadow
She physically recoiled from me, and denied it
"Don’t bring it" in was her frantic response
I cast a shadow the day apparently and other lover and lighters stayed away from me.
I went outside and sat my ass on some grass and smiled
I was righteous in my own knowing and I knew I could never fit in there either.
It was another religion
Masters and slaves
Filled with dogma, rules and regulations
Mind control to take you away from your own sovereignty
I found no truth here, no belonging, just like the Catholics preaching but with a different face
They wanted you to forget your own innate power within the natural law.
We are not separate from the natural law, we are a part of it
To me, all forms of religion are control
Even the pagan or earth based practices ~ which I would say, I closely align to
I have stopped trying to fit in
I am a free spirit, a rebel and non conformist
Authoritarians love me …not
They do their best to make me conform from corporations like the police & governments to my in -laws that are born again Christians, who can’t handle the fact that I don’t subscribe to their notions.
I couldn’t give a rats what they believe, if their happy ( in religion) I ain’t the one to question them and I never have.
But that doesn’t stop them questioning everything I stand for. They want me to be something I’m not and could never be.
They are control and I am chaos
Acceptance vs Resistance
If your happy with the way things are going in the general scheme of things ~ ok ~ Good!
But don’t judge other’s that don’t feel the same and don’t accept the current control.
The rebels, the misfits, the lawbreakers, the one’s that don’t conform, The ones that feel it in their core to resist and not accept .
It’s ok to, stand up for your beliefs whatever they may be.
I have been locked up, been before the courts, had the book thrown at me (literally) fined, harassed and assaulted by the law, protested and picketed for what I believe in.
Been threatened and intimidated by Corporations, taking pics of my house and vehicles
Did it worry me; No !!!
We have the power to say NO to what we do not accept or situations that insult our soul and knowing.
This is my truth
Hence the unfucking stage commenced to unfuck myself from all dogma and rules
(still a work in progress)
I’m questing now, not searching: A quest to for balance : To balance the religion brainwashing (patriarchal) and New age brainwashing (Feminine)
To balance my masculine and feminine
To balance my left and right hemispheres of the brain
To honour and incorporate both in my daily practices. That’s my goal
To stand up for those that can’t or need help including myself to honour my divine masculine, and be righteous in my divine anger/protection if needed from the father
To show compassion and nurturing for those that need it including myself to honour the divine feminine, and be righteous in my own divinity and universal wisdom from the mother
That’s my Nirvana , will I ever reach it ?
Have no idea, but I do know…I’m going to have a most excellent adventure in trying.
Have been spending time with my eldest daughter who is interested in astrology : last year she journeyed through her natal chart and for her, it explained a lot.
She taught herself about transits, squares, houses and all the other "things" and the fabulous terminology. (Me: crickets ` yeah I got nothing !)
I adore astrology , but I don't understand it in depth. I know enough to save myself and that's it.
She will often message me and always finds other little snippets of information that can benefit or explain certain areas in my natal chart.
She is happy plodding along, teaching herself and generating charts for family.
But what I love the best, Is when she looks and interprets a aspect/house intuitively. That to me is the best and spot on.
So going through my chart she finds a lot of links to the Underworld/Death/Metaphysics.
Written in the stars ? Who know's, maybe?
I had a shamanic astrology chart done by Mikailiah last year and it was there too, my underworld meanderings.
Check her out , she is amazing.
I wanted to know why I don't actually talk/ write about in a public way?
Like my blog ?
It's not because it's a taboo subject or not openly discussed. Couldn't give two shit's...because if I learnt anything about my time earth side...Life is way to short to be giving fucks.
I teach about it weekly, In my glory doing Palliative workshops in Aged care. Actively practising my craft.
Anyone that knows me, knows I get excited when I actually speak about it.
My heart calls me and my head bursts with love, stories and a remembering of home.
I often need to reign it in, I can scare the shit out of people. I'll never forget a couple of the students faces when I introduced death....
Just because I am comfortable in the underworld, not everyone is.
At the same time as getting excited when I speak about death,In the physical the energy drops and becomes sacred , often words are not needed.
One particular story stands out ~
I was called a couple of years ago to do ceremony for a palliative patient in a Nursing home. I had a frantic call from the facility: it would be soon.
I knew I would get smashed in traffic,
but I also knew I had enough time to get there. I didn't rush, I didn't need too.
Now I had worked at this particular facility as a nurse, so the staff knew me well. They were expecting me to come in bouncing , like I normally would for a normal working shift...No.
They may have informed this particular family, that I was bright and bubbly. The family were obviously expecting something different :)
Death starts working with me, before the person crosses over. Could be a week or a day or a hour, I can't explain it.
My energy drops into the sacred and there is such a absolute clarity of what comes next.
I don't need to speak, I only listen and react accordingly.
The daughter asked if I was a Witch (I'll never forget it )and I said yes.
I was in the medical as a Witch, a place where I had worked as a professional Nurse and I claimed Witchyness.
Because that day I wasn't a nurse, That day I was the deathworker.
It was beautiful and I could answer medical questions that the family asked. I worked along side my nursing colleges and it was a eye-opener for them too.
I think they got a lot of validation on why we do what we do and how it's never about us..it's about the family and the one Journeying home.
As nurses or carers they are natural space holders when someone is dying , we all are. We worked as a team that day: The medical and esoteric,the way it should always be.
I have one foot in the medical and one foot in the spiritual ...talk about walking between worlds. Hahaha :)
My soul sister Julia from Sacred familiar, wrote recently about my deathwork in her blog.
I read it and went Farkkkkk !!! She is a dear friend who has always supported me in everything I do.
As she was writing she heard the song "Flaming star" by Elvis.
As I listened, I had tears streaming down my face. I grew up on Elvis and love him dearly.
Apparently there was unreleased version of this song called "Black star" If you Youtube it, you can listen to it. I told Julia and we ended up on massive tangent's ,like we always do.
David Bowie released his album Black star prior to his death. Elvis was his Idol and they were born on the same day.
Props to his Idol? He knew the black star was on his shoulder.
RESPECT Bowie, respect .
So back to my of not writing/talking about it publicly:
At first I thought I was worried of judgements from the medical world pffftt yeah...just Nah !
Then I thought I was worried about the "spiritual " world ? Again ...fuck no
This is what I discovered. ( With the help of my beautiful daughter)
Sign in the 12th house is what you are not naturally comfortable with. Dreams and secrets. WITHDRAWAL.HERMIT
Assistance with soul work. My 12th house is ruled by Scorpio, the Lord of the Underworld. With all the sex, death and occult symbolism from Scorpio, this is often hidden by the nature of my 12th house.
The 12th house is for our secrets, hidden things and endings. I have only one planet in this house and it is Neptune, Lord of the weird ,spiritually psychic, airy fairy people. (Alex's words) haha
What does this all mean?
All the energies in my 12th house, including the house itself are to do with spirituality, death and endings. Is that not a perfect summary of me as a death worker?
Yet the nature of the 12th house, causes me to hide this part. I am neither ashamed nor proud of it. I just get the job done.
I don't think it's anything special, It's a part of me like the breath I take.
When I'm teaching/training : natural as, because it's my world and calling. I don't even have to think about it. It just is.
To write about: is extremely fucking hard. To share, even harder..Scorpio you fucker!
Very contrary I know! A bloody walking contradiction.
Throw in the Uranian energy of the ultimate rebel, which is also very dominant in my chart and wella secretive ,ratbag rebel against the norm.
This is the longest blog and most epic one I have ever birthed. I feel my soul is naked and I'm out in the open.
I don't mind being naked , but I need to cover my head with the veil.
In the dark and other worlds I am content,happy & rocking it.
It's out in the open that I'm not so comfy.
All death workers are different and come from their own knowing.
The end goal however is the same for all of us, to die a good death.
I recently watched The Dressmaker, a Australian film based /adapted from Rosalie Ham's novel.
Directed by Jocelyn Moorhouse.
As I sat there and watched it…I was reminded of all the archetypes. Lilith in particular came to mind. The witch on the hill, the slut, the mad woman, the outcast and the cursed one, all labels from a patriarchal and small minded community.
Where anyone that doesn't conform is treated with contempt. If you’re different you are reminded daily. The nastiness and fear.
You can taste it. Never far from the surface, simmering like a cauldron.
On the flip side of these ass holes are magical souls that honour who they are…… eventually.
Some have embraced their uniqueness and give no fucks. Others strive to fit in and gain acceptance.
People fear what they don’t understand. Society fear's someone that is truly in their own power.
It’s not a pretty subject and it’s very sad in parts. Visually, it’s stunning and Judy Davis is outstanding as “Mad Molly ” the crone/hag.
This story has it all.
I adored the adventure that The Dressmaker took me on; quite a profound healing took place.
In honouring the witch and outcast.
Revenge, Redemption,Trust and Healing.
Ever feel the need to escape? Pack up hit the road? Sell everything and travel?
Live by the stars and moon . Wake up with the sun? Throw away the watch?
Yep! The roads been calling : loudly. Has been for years but somehow I always made excuses .
From stability of income to somewhere to lay our roots.
I think you know that “stuck” feeling. I absolutely loathe it. And the feeling is multiplying.
I want to live wild and not know where the next day will take me.
The thought of selling everything and hitting the road fills me with so much peace.
“Innate things” are weighing me down. All I need is the earth and my body to survive.
I can feel myself becoming free as I imagine the roads and the journeys.
I have released the fear of the unknown and welcomed it. No fixed address…geez I love the sound of that.
A home on wheels that will take me to the next adventure of a amazing sunrise or sunset.
It runs in our blood, the gypsy wanderers. My Nan, My mother. The great unknown.
I went to the caravan and camping show yesterday at the show grounds in Melbourne. Surrounded by grey nomads and young families chasing the road adventures.
The community exists if you want it. The unspoken look of : Yeah,I get you see you on the road.
There is no need for sales people to come after you. They get it. The dream sell's itself. Talking to one bloke he uttered “I sell freedom”
Freedom is free, he just sell's vehicles of purpose. The dream is what get's you there.
Follow your dreams,chase what makes you happy. See you in unknown.