Hello and welcome to my last blog! God that feels good to say!
I'm pretty excited and this feels epic!!!! Another ending.
I haven't been around Fb much and have neglected this space.
Lot's of changes and shifts within and without.
I've been more active on Instagram, doing short info videos on Death and really enjoying it.
Heading in the same direction, but just different.
I intend to create a members site on here. It's not up and running yet, I'm currently playing around with it. Ideas are coming and it's flowing in, so just letting it flow for now.
However, I reckon the rest of this year is a write off for me.
We are still building and finishing our off grid lifestyle and for those who may not know, we are expecting our first grandchild to arrive late august /early September.
So yes my focus is definitely else where.
To everyone that has read and laughed ( or raged ) along with me, Thankyou for your support.
Love youse, mwah xx
I'd love to sign off with something profound or poetic... but it's absolutely evading me :)
So I'll just quote the Nick Cave & Deborah Harry song Title : Free to walk
As that's the song that wanted to be played as I was typing.
So farewell for now on this medium and hope to connect through a much more interactive one in the future.
Ps I'll leave the blog active for a bit , then it will disappear. Yay, like magic!
ABRACADABRA MOTHERFUCKERS X
What do you do to make yourself feel better? What lies do you tell yourself to make yourself feel better?
It's an interesting question and can be hard to answer.
Everybody talks about shadow work. But what is shadow work? It's the deep nitty gritty parts of yourself that you don't want to acknowledge. We hide it well, so others don’t notice either.
There can be a sense of shame, guilt and unworthiness.
In the depth of deep of shadow work, you can't lie. If you lie, even to yourself to make it feel lighter or less deeper it’s not shadow work. It’s denial.
Shadow and light work, is about balance and navigating the levels.
Shadow work isn't pretty, it's a dedicated approach.
It’s like you can see a wound festering and you have choices in your approach :
What does it look like ? What does it feel like? Is it scary? Are you appalled by it? Are you shocked at the level of deepness?
We all lie to ourselves on many different levels every day, a lot of the time it's for self worth,
self-preservation it could be even for self promotion.
When you go into shadow work there is nowhere to hide and you need to acknowledge that you may be a asshole, you may need to acknowledge that there are aspects of your personality /shadow which may infuriate others or even yourself.
You can notice patterns of behaviour that will continue until you've looked at the wound. It’s your choice…we always have freewill.
How do you feel when you see what it is?
How do you cope with trauma that may be causing behaviours? How do you acknowledge the good ,the bad and the ugly?
I can't speak for anybody else, but I do know personally that you need to give yourself a break when you're doing shadow work. If it’s hard and deep, chip away and step away for a bit.
When you acknowledge the behaviour or the shadow and really truly, deeply understand it can be Freeing and cleansing.
Remember the pattern.
It's about being brutally honest with yourself and acknowledging what you need to for your soul to move forward.
The little lies that we tell ourselves are normally an indicator that we have a bit of shadow work to finish or complete.
It's acknowledging your behavioural or triggers and the why's of how we behave the way we do.
It can be as simple as wanting to feel important in a group of people and you will tell lies to make yourself seem more important or deny your voice to fit in.
We've all done it!
It's a part of being social and wanting to fit in. Our shadows can be huge in that area, often dictated by social media.
The need to be accepted. How about we change their fucking rules, accept ourselves and not what is expected?
It can be a little lie ,that things aren't as bad as they seem, yet you're living with some *fucked up shit going down. These are the lies we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better.
*(Disclaimer: Always seek professional help if needed)
Once you’ve worked with your shadow and blessed that little motherfucker, that’s when the light comes in. Thats when you can breathe and give yourself a break.
Understanding the patterns of what you've been through, what was learnt by society vs what you need to love yourself. No bullshit outside influence.
Some people only remain in the light and it's a false sense of security, it’s unacknowledged trauma that will probably stay with them till they die.
Are they ready to face it? Maybe ? Maybe not?
Whilst some people will continually live in the shadows and are constantly rebirthing and acknowledging their behaviours.
The shadow is deep but that's where the gold is, She keeps no secrets.
In a selfish ,entitled society, a fast paced instant gratification time it sounds weird that nurturing yourself by doing shadow work is probably the best thing you could ever do.
It unfucks you, it can help you see different perspectives, It can heal the way you see yourself and others.
It can help you become unfuckablewith. Because you know the deepest darkest parts of yourself and you are open and honest. Opinions of others seem to matter less and less.
You carry the spark of understanding of the part that’s healed, thereby maybe helping others to reach that point. (or not) as it’s usually a solitary journey. Talking to people you trust can cement the work, if you can’t talk to someone. Journaling your shadow journey is also a good way to see how far you have come.
That delicate balance we are ever trying to achieve.
Like tight rope walkers we balance our shadow and light in our hands, heart and mind.
Too much either way, and you’ve lost your balance completely.
The silence is deafening and welcomed as you hear your heartbeat.
Welcome to shadow work.
,I don't know why I put lightbulb in the title? Maybe a lightbulb moment...hmmm
I haven't been around much and my internet is dodgy at best. In saying that my internet and electronic devices have always been weird. I think we should all communicate by telepathy...cut out the middle man so to speak.
So there's a dodgy connection that I can't do readings with. Not receiving emails, getting texts days later... I wish I could blame Mercury Rx but this shit standard.
This year however it's been more unstable than usual.
I figure it's a holding pattern. So just going with it.
A lot has happened this year, for EVERYONE...worldwide.
Whatever you believe about the Covid virus, the #qanon ( conspiracy)or it's a real thing...It has caused major division's worldwide.
I've seen and felt hate, love and shit that's blown my mind.
I don't think any of us that have lived this, will forget it.It's a defining moment.
I wonder what they will say about this period in time in 100 or 200 years? Will they judge, as we have?
Divide and conquer has been around for eons, it's still around.We are all guilty of it...all of us. Belief system's filtered through personal experience. Inherited and systemic beliefs, belief in authority, media or doctrine shape us.
I'm not going all love and fucking light, but I have always seen the importance of the humanitarian dream and oneness of connection. Maybe that's the journey we are all on? Connection to each other and the source. However Humans can be fucking hard work!
After living up in the hills for 4 months, my life has changed. I'm not the same as I was at the start of year, I don't think any of us are.
I'm noticing my own toxic and shadow patterns. The inherent patterns that I repeat until I catch myself.
I'm always prepared to shadow work, but there's always more. To fully go in and question why?
I've been totally in and into myself properly for the first time in years. I have the space to do it, without other commitments and it's lovely.
At first I felt quite selfish! ( what the fuck is that even!!!) because I wasn't giving a part of me to anyone.
The guilt and shame is inherent
That's what I've been working on the most.
I have always been in service, always. Numerology wise I'm a 33 which goes down to a 6 = service, family, care giving, healing. The fucking martyr complex.
Don't get me wrong, I know it's who I am, but sometimes you need to catch a breathe for yourself.
Guilt and shame are more shit that society piles on top of you and worst of all, we do it to ourselves and I'm fucking sick of it. They are useless emotions that cause anxiety and all other forms of illness.
I'm noticing the shame for owning your fears and others don't understand so thereby shaming you.
I'm noticing the guilt of things/situations that you can't control the outcome, thereby having guilty feelings about it.
Shame separates us all because we are so wounded by it. It divides and conquers us.
Let me name a few : Slut shaming, Body shaming, Gender shaming, Mum shaming
' oh she's a slut " "oh she's a terrible mother" Oh he's fat as a pig"
Sound familiar? So many way's we shame others and ourselves in the process.
I'm not saying we all need to be egotistical assholes or narcissists, but giving yourself a break from shame and guilt that's been piled onto you (self inflicted or otherwise)...is lovely.
I think the lightbulb is about half strength, hoping it will be shining like a motherfucking beacon soon.
Stay safe and Rock On
It's an interesting time isn't it!!??? I have no words...in these unprecedented times. The energy ...phoar!!
A global time. Shout out to everyone feeling it.
Moving during a pandemic, yeah I wouldn't recommend it. I've moved from a house into what could only be called a weekender. A basic lined shed.
It's warm and shelter ~ that's the main thing.
I'm on the land and it feels amazing.
Using a generator and hopefully soon a solar system.
We have Tank water and a bore
Looking into a composting toilet system and we just hooked up a sink!!! In our makeshift kitchen.... Ahhh it's the little things.
We are fully off grid and out of the matrix and I gotta say...it feels pretty fucking good.
You realise how much we take shit for granted. Power for example, flick a switch. Water turn on a tap for a endless supply.
When you go off grid, you are hyper aware of what you are using. You follow the sun especially in winter to maximise the solar rays.You pay attention to sunrise and sunset.
You know how much water you have and take quicker showers and ensure the water supply is replenished
It's a different way of living and I feel more in tune than I ever have. We have plans to build a environmentally sustainable cabin. That's the next chapter in the off grid journey.
I found some of my stuff in containers and it felt good to make my corner.It's sorta stacked in but nether-less, it feels right at home.
For now, I'm listening to the wind. Sending love from where the eagles fly. Stay safe xx
Waving, as I fly through.
Hmmm....there is so much to say, yet I can't even begin to express most of it.
They are thoughts, feelings and moments of in between.
Some fleeting and just out of my grasp
Everything is changed
We are changed
Death and destruction
Systems, people, wealth, security.
Just and unjust
Navigating it all, like a fucking tightrope walker.
Balancing it sometimes with finesse, other time’s like a clumsy joker.
The uncertainty of our fates is a never-ending saga, intensified by the media
We are on the precipice of …something.
It’s elusive yet tangible
People and systems have been exposed, with nowhere to go and the bullshit we swallowed for generation’s has no place in the future, whatever that may look like.
How does it look for you?
I’m trying clear observation for a start, like what worked and what didn’t
work before the apocalypse.
What I’m willing to let die instead of hanging on for dear life.
What I need to feed and nourish and what I need to bury.
Amongst all the chaos, there have been absolute moments of pure clarity.
Mixed in with fear and regret, walking the tightrope.
This last 6 months has taught me, that taking shit for granted and feeling secure is the biggest illusion.
With the false sense of security and lulled to sleep with the quick fix hit, that we lined up for.
Media super stars, guru status, special, entitled, total assholes not fully present.
The vapidness of the whole world. An easy pill to swallow when you want to feel safe even if it is a lie.
The future, well the thing is it hasn’t happened yet, so that gives me hope.
It can be anything we imagine and hopefully better than the one we are leaving behind .
Because I believe we are changed, how could we not be?
My goal for the next few weeks is ensuring I have my broom firmly between my legs, and not stuck up my ass as I navigate this beautiful world, because she truly is.
Returning to her with the remembering that the only certain thing in life is death (and Taxes).
Hello from deep in weirdness :)
If i could explain what's going on, they would lock me up and throw away the key.
Mercury Retrograde is the jam :) I love it because shit actually works for me.
For over a month I haven't had access to this website, even the techs were baffled. So they just stopped answering me hahaha
My phone... would just stop or do weird shit. The shadow period of Merc Rx was intense and I thought..yeah this is a major retrograde.
When it finally retrograded ahhhh bless.
There is so magic and mystery available for us all at the moment. I feel it in my bones, I see it.
The masks have slipped and the blinkers are off. You can't unsee it anymore. You can't deny it.
It's everywhere, in the street, in the ethers, in the people you meet, your interactions are almost soul level.
We are all deep in the mystic, swimming the cosmic the mundane and everything else in between.
Insights like lightning bolts...zapping your ass ready or fucking not.
I have this joke/saying with my mate and we both say " It's a fucking Nick Cave Parable"
That's when we know that everything is opening up and hold on to ya knickers for the wild ride.
The wildness, the unknown making itself known. Yeah sign me up! Bring in the weirdness.
Beam me up Scottie and take me to your leader.
See you in the Mystic
Van Morrison has been on repeat....Total and utter Magic Man
,Hello from the cave!
Phew! I can’t believe it’s nearly the end of the year. Nearly into a new fucking DECADE! WOW
I sorta feel that this year was like Alice in wonderland - down the rabbit hole.
So much going down on so many levels..
Mainly on the subconscious level
We were faced with our shit ..reflected back by that magic mirror
Growing tall as a tree and then bang…small as a mouse.
It was definitely a year of extremes.
We were all following that fucking rabbit.
I honestly can’t remember it being so intense. But I probably say that every year hahah
We cleared so much up in those unconscious realms in my opinion. I felt it was a year of being truthful. Brutal to be honest, especially with self.
Painful vs painless
I learnt more than anything this year – to trust my gut/instinct
My darkness is my gift and my light empowers me
From now until the day I die
It’s about : be the weirdo, the freak, the rebel
I’ll label myself and embrace that shit
You see, I see myself as normal ( whatever that is) and then when I am around everyday people, well I'd always walk away feeling like a freak.
It’s been a wound for me since childhood. Trying to fit. I began the unfucking a few years ago now.
I’m thinking it’s my age that has allowed me to give no fucks? Hmm... Maybe? Or the work I’ve done on it? All I know I have no preconceived idea now on how I should be and that gives you freedom.
We are all unique and finding where and how you do you : PRICELESS
Hope you have all journeyed well this year and came back to you.
And in other news : I am no longer doing healings in person or distance.
I have too many time and space constraints at this point in time.
So if you want to connect with me, I’m doing tarot readings over the phone and the dark mother journey by phone or skype.
Ps: Don't ask Alice, You are ALICE
Hi all, it’s been yonks!
I just recently opened a new journey with the dark mother. To say it has been well received is a understatement. Not that I ever do anything to be well received. haha
Because at the end of the day I try to do what I love and if people happen to vibe it, wonderful. If not, that’s cool too.
That’s the key isn’t it…Do what makes you happy and joyful.
It’s a long spiralling, crooked path to get there sometimes.
In all honesty and hindsight I think that’s where we learn the most, even though it might not feel like it at that point in time.
This new offering is growing and changing, I’m learning with every single person that has journeyed with me so far.
I’m so grateful to those souls that have honoured me with their stories.
When you connect deeply or identify with a idea/path/destiny.
It’s a visceral feeling, like no other. It feels like home. That’s not to say we remain stagnant and unchanging in that idea.
There is always room to move and expansion that happens.
Doing healings has left me feeling mehhh for quite a while. And I pulled it right back. Packed up my room and gave a way the healing bed. Which is sorta fucked, when you know it’s a part of you and you can do it easily. That’s the confusing part.
Don’t get me wrong I love doing healings, I’ve always worked in a healing profession from nursing to hands on healing from a young age.
It’s just different now. I want to go in a clear the Aura and rip shit out of etheric bodies. I don’t need a room for that. All I need is my intent, a animal skin, a claw and a feather. Done!
I only do it for family and friends now. There are so many fantastic energy workers out there that can give you the full experience of space and sanctuary. I can’t. Over the ethers I can, by those that trust me. That’s’ all I need.
The dark mother called me many moons ago, I have always done her work silently and often feel uncomfortable talking about it. It didn’t need to be seen; it didn’t need to be talked about. It just was and is.
It’s a big part of me and always will be. Working with death in whatever capacity I’m needed. I just won’t teach or talk about in a spiritual way. I can’t. I’ve tried, and it leaves bitter taste in my mouth.
I’ll continue this work, silently and practical. That’s the only way I know how.
This new ritual/blessing on the other hand (still haven’t got a earthly word for it, it will come) is mashup of everything I hold sacred
Facing the shadow
Allowing the death of what no longer serves
Seeing the magic in self
Balance of feminine and masculine
Trusting the intuitive self before the world fucked you up
And I feel comfortable sharing it and offering it.
Just wanted to let my faithful subscribers know what’s been going down.
So hope you are all travelling well and surviving the last few months of hectic shit that the universe has thrown at you.
I’ll sign off with one of my fav quotes below
“The place of true healing is a fierce place. It's a giant place. it's a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light.”
― Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
Excerpt from above song
"Free from all old stories I've been told I walk through the valley of my own shadow"
Gajumaru · Yaima : Pellucidity
I’ve been feeling Hecate for a while now in cosmos, her and Venus have been kicking my ass.
Whenever I’m at the crossroads of life
Hecate always steps in
After all that’s her Jam..the crossroads
I am trying to understand all the signs I get, some happened years ago some more recently.
It’s only when I remember, that it becomes clear.
I remember a while ago I dreamt, I was walking through a hospital/nursing home and talking to the patients
I was happy enough engaging but there was a nagging inner voice saying to me “you don’t belong here” I continued to walk through the hallways and the feeling grew. I felt like a alien. People wanted to talk to me and although polite,I was looking for the escape door.
I walked right to the back and out the door.
Next minute I was in the woods
I was barefoot and cloaked
I came across a clearing with a tree stump.
It became my alter, in the clearing, In the dark.
I could still see the building but it grew father away as I focused on where I was and how comfortable I was. It felt Like home.
I started chanting “I honour the dark mother” over and over
In my hand I had a box and it had matches and other odd little things that I can’t remember.
I held up a lipstick and was applying it…blood red and still chanting
It was surreal and real at the same time
That was my initiation
The dark mother/goddess had called me
To say it was intense is putting it lightly
I woke up with my whole-body vibrating
I didn’t see her, but I felt her.
I serve her, I honour her always.
When ever your at the crossroads in life
Be still, the answers will come.
I just recently returned from a cruise, my first one
Sailing the sea's…pirating
Fuck, I was in my element!!!
It was a very rough crossing for the first two days. Many people were seasick, even seasoned cruisers were overcome.
The ship was dipping as well as rolling
I was worried I might not have sea legs, I shouldn’t have.
I loved every minute of it, on the decks…no one around because of how rough it was.
I forget that’s in my blood sometimes, the pirate.
I also realised how anti social or a nicer term would be introverted, I really am.
After the rough seas subsided, everyone surfaced.
Cruising is very social and everyone wants to talk, which is fine, but sometimes…just no.
I’ll talk to anyone, anytime.
But at times I just wanted to merge into the vastness of the ocean and be alone.
Which I did.
I understand there are many lonely people out there and I think the loneliness was magnified by the full moon on the water, maybe?
I was zen as fuck and it showed, therefore people were comfortable telling me their story. Some sad, some funny and some tragic.
I realised they actually didn't need anything from me, just a chat.
I'm saying a word for all the lonely people, sometimes we need to hear.
Just listening, not talking.
Open to all the feels
Listening without Judgement
The highlight of the trip for me apart from being on the water and travelling with my Mumma was Kangaroo Island.
Karta: Island of the Dead - Kangaroo Island
Kangaroo Island separated from mainland Australia around 10,000 years ago, due to rising sea level after the last glacial period. Known as Karta ("Island of the Dead") by the mainland Aboriginal tribes, the existence of stone tools and shell middens show that Aboriginal people once lived on Kangaroo Island.
Ngurunderi was a creation being in the Dreaming of the tribes of the lower Murray River, lakes and Coorong of South Australia. These tribes believe that the spirit follows the path taken by Nguruderi to (Kangaroo Island ) after death, where they travel to the Waleruwar (the spirit world) in the Milky Way.
The minute I stepped on the Island, I felt at home with the spirits of the dead.
The animal medicine there was plentiful. Such a beautiful place to walk the land and sense the in-between. I didn’t want to leave.
I really believe that when you walk the land, something happens to you.
You carry a little piece of wherever you walk with you and it's available anytime when you remember and connect back.
We carry it in our bones, the wayfarer.
I also wanted to say that after travelling you usually come home to well things that make you go hmmmmm, that may have escaped your attention prior because your focus is on the possibility’s and excitement of the unknown adventure ahead.
Those of you that are on Fuck book, whoops I mean Facebook, may have seen my video about unethical practices in this place we call “spiritual ”
Or as I prefer to call it the occult.
I pretty much said all I need to in that Vid.
However, I didn’t name the person who helped me and he deserves a big, fucking HUGE mention.
His name is Tony Esta, and he walks in the underworld.
I see him as the black panther walking in the in-between. Protecting and clearing your person and space.
He clears houses and talk's to the dead.
He can see things, like attachment's and all kinds of freaky shit that most people are afraid of.
He is humble and honest and basically about the only person I would trust to look in on me energetically.
A traveller of the underworld and at home there.
Tony looked in for me and needless to say, the minute I knew he was on the job, I felt at peace.
I knew the Panther was would take care of whatever fuckery was hanging around and he did.
He didn’t know what was going on, I just asked him to take a look.
He named it, he knew where it came from and even described the person that was wishing me ill (either consciously or unconsciously).
Let’s just say that motherfucking energy won’t be back as he has put up major protection around me and mine.
I'm very grateful for the work he does and even more grateful his my mate.
If you need the big guns, give Tony a call.
Below I’ve included a link to get in contact if needed.