As the end fastly approaches (of the year I mean)
Lot’s of changes and endings for many, the cosmos has provided some stellar moments and some downright fuckery.
It’s been a mixed year for me.
Chiron return ..Tick done
Traveled …hell yeah
Went to the depths and went to the motherfucking cosmos
Like I said mixed!
How’s your year been? Betcha there is gold in there mixed with some shitful moments? Hmmm
The most important key I got from this year, just recently occurred.
Those of you who read my blog, know my feelings and apathy towards the New age and spiritual bastardry I feel on a cellular level.
I know it, I feel it and could never explain it deeply enough as to why it affected me so much. This has been going on for years.
The concepts of corporate spirituality left me cold and angry
I wanted nothing to do with it, it made me retreat and embarrassed to even call myself spiritual.
I withdrew, because I couldn’t play there, it insulted my soul daily.
I know that sounds extreme. But it’s how I felt and it made me miserable.
Then I would back track and think I’m too harsh and too judgey
Surely it’s great that spirituality is available for the masses, isn’t it?
Well yes and no , because it’s become a land of entitled, over bearing fucking experts, entrepreneur’s, marketing gurus, mentors and corporate upselling of brands.
The terminology and brainwashing tactics that are used under the umbrella term “spirituality”
This is a ongoing conversation between me and my tribe of people l I trust. We all feel the same way.
We finally named it for what it is and I can’t tell you enough the relief we feel.
We've given it a name that we understand, to all of the above frustrations.
Thankyou Julia xxx
I now know what I’m dealing with. Before I named it, it was a whole ideology, too vast to nail down. With one singular name I understand and it has no power anymore.
I need to fully feel and understand the depths of a idealogy to let it go, but let me tell you this one was a slippery sucker.
It’s so masked with latent bullshit, there’s a mine field to navigate to get to the truth and agenda behind it.
This might sound like sour grapes to some. Don’t care, if they spread their agenda, thinly masked as spirituality. I think I can speak my truth which is my agenda.
I’m not here to be a star of the corporate world and look good on social media
I just want people to know what and who I am, no pretense
No glam shots, No fluffy terminology, A sweary bitch with intent to do some fab healings for people that want it.
My force is strong with animal medicine, and I’ve been known to do a rippa tarot reading or two.
I make witches mirrors and work with wings, bones and skins
I’ve just recently asked for some new testimonials…Which was hard, but I reckon other people can explain or give a true account of how they feel, way better than me. The last time I updated it was 2014….that’s how much it did my head in!
I’ve updated the website and I can finally say that it’s the first time I’ve ever felt proud of my website. I feel it’s finally a accurate reflection
Because I bought the lie too, and left stuff there that I thought you had to have.
I’m under no illusion that the web and social media are the way people find you to see what you offer, I get it. So have given in to use my webpage as that platform.
Mostly for me it’s still word of mouth, thank the gods. However, if I have to play online, the website needs to be clear and honest for me to truly embrace it.
There is a fine line between self promotion and agenda, If I slip you all have permission to smack me in the fucking head.
Phew that was biggie!
I just wanna say to those that feel the same way, have faith in yourself, find your tribe( if you need it) and be so honest with your practice that its blinding. Name what shits you with the world and feel free, you are under no obligation to swallow shit in whatever form it comes.
All we can do is be true to ourselves, and when you’re not that’s when you feel it..the sadness and melancholy.
There are no rules with spirituality, no one has the right to tell you how to be. You are you.
If you’re a freak, fly the flag.
I just want to thank my tribe of weird ass bitches and I am truly grateful for all the insights we share to unfuck ourselves from the bullshit world we find ourselves in.
You motherfuckers of badassery know who you are xxx
I hope everyone has a splendid and safe end of the year celebrations, whatever your practice.
That's me signing off till next year,
“You know I look like a woman, but I cut like a buffalo “
Lyrics : Jack White
Performed by: The Dead Weather ( Vid Below)
Best line ever!
Have been chilling and listening to heaps of music, who needs a therapist?
Music saves my sanity, well mostly haha
'Cause it’s always good to be a bit loose
Is she off her head? Yeah probably.
The lunacy, the irritated and the slightly insane.
The dark moon at the moment allows space for introspection
I can look easily and chose to let it go or hold on to it.
Surprisingly its getting easier and easier to let it go
I’m talking about perceptions and opinions that at the end of the day mean nothing.
From others and self
Just a mind fuck of conditioning of how we should be.
So my question is, who determines how we should be? Is it self or the masses?
It’s a interesting question isn’t it?
Who do we have to prove it too? Ourselves/ society or both?
What if we don’t have to prove anything and just be?
Chilling and being your own magic, not proving anything to anyone?
We all have much to offer the world, some more than others.
Yet we judge ourselves and others harshly if it doesn’t fit into our own perceptions.
Hey I put my own hand up for doing that shit..A lot!!!
But I must be maturing. Who knew??!!
However, on the other hand when you do stand up and declare yourself
It can be taken the wrong way
So my thoughts, are you fucked either way?
I think you just need to be comfortable with it
I got no problem with being taken the wrong way, it happens a lot.
As I said in previous blog, it’s not peoples job to understand me.
Just as its not mine to understand them.
We can’t help what others perceive about us
It’s usually wrong anyway, our perceptions are based on what we feel, usually about ourselves and how we would react in situations.
We all react differently
In the spiritual world, I often feel misunderstood, again people’s perceptions of how one should act.
How does one act? That’s what I’d like to know?
But at the same time I don’t really care. I’ve been doing this a long time and know what I know, I also know what I don’t.
Being so completely honest with yourself that it hurts, owning it all, always works for me.
Is it pretty? Fuck no, it’s not meant to be.
That we are human, and make mistakes
That’s where the gold is, the mistakes and seeing them
That’s where the light is
That’s where the answers are
That’s where we face the shadow of doubt
It’s also how we heal and grow
In the shadow of the dark moon acknowledge it all and let it be
Truth: the seekers quest.
Some find it in connection to religion/spirit. The divine. I guess it’s all about perception and what you believe to be the truth and all our truths are different.
I haven’t found it spirituality at all. At the core, I understand it but I will never follow blindly, the concepts of religion or spirituality.
Which leads into the existential crisis syndrome. Why are we here? What Have we come to achieve? What’s our journey? Why?
I’ll always be searching, I know this. Some have said to me, When I find God, I’ll find peace. I’ve had that said to me on numerous occasions. May be that’s the search? To find the God within? Who knows?
I know very early on in my quest, I had a dream where I was sitting in a pub and a very non –descript man sat next to me. He looked me straight in the eye and told me I have everything I need within. I didn’t need to search without.
That dream, has stayed with me. I call it my God dream. Did I stop searching? Hell no. But what I did do was trust myself more.
I stopped buying the guru books and going to workshops to improve myself “spiritually”.
I’m not saying I know everything, because fuck me, I don’t. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with workshops either.
But for me, at that point in my life I was voracious and would go and learn anything I could. I would often walk away, feeling “undone”. I would go with a open heart and want to learn, only to walk away and be disappointed because I felt didn’t learn anything new. But like always, I did learn, it may not have been evident at the time.
Just not in the way I expected. I learnt how to be accepted, I learnt the “rules”, I learnt the new age way.
The biggest teaching for me was: I actually learnt how not to be.
Fast forward: So my journey continues with feeling like a fish out of the ocean or like alien stranded on a distant planet.
Why? Because I’ve been waiting for understanding. It’s not anyone’s’ job to understand me, I finally get it.
Just like it’s not my job to understand them. It is what it is.
(I have done previous posts on my journey through religion and the new age for my thoughts on it if you’re interested, check it out)
I thought I needed acceptance from peers but, more than anything I wanted to be understood.
That’s a huge mantle to carry, fucking depressing actually. We are all weird as fuck when you get down to the bones of it.
When people asked me what I do in healings, I could never explain it on paper or in words and it killed me. I needed/wanted people to understand and feel comfortable with it. And I never could.
So when I finally fitted the last piece of the puzzle, The weight lifted off me.
I have been doing distance healings, and it has been fantastic.
They are as freaky as fuck, just the way I like it. I’m in the in-between with no distractions. I can journey into your energy and clear shit. I still can’t explain it and I’m not going to. It’s just what I do and who I am.
That's my Truth.
Got a motherfucker in your energy? I’ll rip them out by their throat, then bless them.
Need a balance? I’ll Zen as fuck you
Haha That’s’ the best explanation I’ve ever come up with !!!
So yeah, If ya want a healing I’m only doing distance by appointment.
Nick Cave & Grinderman say it best with their lyrics to Get it on
"I had to get up to get down to start all over again
Head on down to the basement and shout
Kick those white mice and black dogs out
Kick those white mice and baboons out
Kick those baboons and other motherfuckers out
And get it on ,get it on, get it on
On the day that you got born"
Aquarius & Eclipse season is here Yay!
Hope everyone got a chance to see the super, blue, blood moon last night!
(If you didn't, here is pic from Melbourne;Australia. When she was full ,before the eclipse )
I know in parts of Europe they will not be able to see it.The energy will still be there though, just because it's hidden, doesn’t mean you won’t feel it. The lead up to it was intense.
When the moon was in cancer ,before she transited into Leo I was melancholy and then when she moved into Leo I was pissed off, the lions roar was deafening. Such is the life when you live by lady luna cycles!
I know that sounds ridiculous, but if chart your emotions by the stars and moon…fuck me.
There has been so much cosmically happening this year already and we just moved into the second month of the year…head spins
Christmas and the new year was blur,questioning if it happened? Like legit!
Before Christmas ,I made plans in my head of what I wanted to to do in this year of our lord 2018. The focus was definitely coming from a place of I gotta do more spiritually.
The pressure of being a healer/death worker/tarot was getting to me. And I felt I needed to do more, obviously I was taking way too many drugs or not enough. (joking of course)
What a crock ! Because I was happy doing none of it. The martyr in me was activated…it’s always there. Every job I’ve ever had, has been one of service. A sense of duty.
From serving in pubs through school years, to becoming a personal carer and then nurse/ healer. Still in service.
Wanting to help people and being altruistic is definitely a part of it .
But last year held some big teachings.I closed down the FB page and decided I wasn’t playing there anymore. The spiritual world was leaving a bad taste in my mouth and was I looking out at it, rather than within.
Change comes through really looking at yourself and questioning the emotions and feelings.
There is always doubt and ya know the universal signs can just fuck you up even more, cause ya gotta decode that shit!
Albert Einstein is broadly credited with exclaiming
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”
Other verifiable evidence of the quote's original authorship come from:
1. Rita Mae Brown's 1983 novel, Sudden Death, published by Bantam Books, New York p.68 (attributed to Jane Fulton)
Before people with mental illness, get all up in my grille
This, I believe is not about a legitimate diagnosis of insanity
It's not meant to be taken literally
I believe it's about us all on the merry go round.
Day in day out and not getting off it to change the pattern.
So I wanted to change the thought processes and my ingrained need to be responsible and serve
Ohh I went there. Lots of cellular memory and patterns from life times past and all connected to this crooked path.
I had my solar return chart done by the star witch Mikailah
IT was Brilliant!
Mapped through the stars and planets of my choice to return through the galactic gate.
I explored more through the human design and found my path to be (no surprises ) The martyr / heretic
It’s all about Bless you /fuck you in one breath
Eternally searching for the truth, wanting to share with the masses what I’ve learned
“The 3rd line profile is driven to experiment with certain things or put themselves in situations so they can have an experience from which they extract truths
After synthesizing the impact, they then share the results with world or at least their local community. Because society judges some experiments as failures the 3rd line carries the moniker of Martyr.”
“The 5th line kicks in to share the results of these experiments/experiences in a projected way, The 5th line is driven to create this change, often geared toward changing the behavior of others. This projection also carries an absoluteness to it, as in “I know this is right.” However since this energy is projected, it needs to be invited. People don’t want change unless they are ready for it. If the prognostications of the 5th line are not invited then the 5th line person can feel the oppression of rejection or the insult of being ignored. This is why the 5th line carries the moniker of the Heretic.”
So to top it off I’m in my Chiron return too
The wounded healer
Like I said earlier ,cosmic baby
This year is all about me, as you can probably tell from the post !! haha
I’m not doing any readings/healings/tarot this year
The only work I will be doing is in service to death and the dark mothers: The keening Circles with Julia and Kaggi.
It feels so good to step away from the service of healing/tarot to others
I don’t know why, maybe it will return? Maybe it won’t?
I’ve learned one thing: If you feel you need to do it just out of responsibility, it’s not real or truthful and probably ego driven
It's Gotta make your heart sing
Then you know you’re on a winner
Woke up with all the feels of the bloodhound gang <3 In the bestest way xx