Well, well, well 2019 already!
The build up was enormous! Christmas and then the wait for the new year. That weird in-between time.Nothing seems to happening and your stuck in state of.... hmmm it feels like "nothingness" and anticipation.
Normally a good time to reflect on the year to come. This year felt different however, it was almost like the future was saying: Hey, you'll be alright, don't sweat it.
It can be a hard thing to do, trust. You're being asked to trust in something that hasn't happened yet.
On a collective level I get it..the future is unworkable, things change. Our actions can determine the outcome.
Which brings me to reading tarot as I've had a few requests for Tarot readings.
You can only see what the cards are telling you. The ultimate decision comes back to the person, always. It's called free will.
Reading tarot can be tricky. I'm talking about what you see vs your own ego.
It can be so easy to believe your own bullshit and project onto others.
I've had it done to me by readers.
A lot of the time, it does come from the heart and a genuine need or desire to help/assist someone who is in pain or needs answers.
I've also argued with readers,who have adamantly told me future predictions and basically when I questioned the outcome ,became wounded and insulted.
The need to prove a point in a reading is just childish.
But that's where it gets sticky. A reader should be motherfucking Switzerland.
We are taught/ trained through books, gurus and workshops that we are little mini oracles, here to save the world and the humans. Seriously!
I'm pretty much self taught, but have read a few books. Have seen the outlines for some workshops and it leaves me questioning.
I don't know everything when it comes to tarot...far from it. There is so much to know and feel around Tarot it's endless, like the cosmos.
To me there is nothing worse, than someone telling me: You need to do this or that.
My inner rebel comes out to play,I don't like being told what to do.
I'll listen to the advice then make my own mind up, for better or worse.
Man, I argue with my spirit guides in my dreams when they are trying to tell me what to do..so yeah good luck with that one.
I try to catch myself with the terminology to rule it out completely, I've caught myself saying these words too. Arggg and it always feels horrible and insulting.To me and the person receiving.
Some people like being told what to do and how to do it. Freewill is not a option, they want you to tell them.And I think that's where it gets blurry.
It's is a service, it's advice.It's not a platform to spruke your own beliefs on how someone should do life. It's not about being superior and think you know everything.
I think everyone deserves to undertake their own freewill and sovereignty.
It's how we learn and grow, from mistakes.
I really think it's the terminology and mindset that needs to change: the "you need to " advice need's to fuck off.
Remember where the Tarot come's from : It's the Occult, meaning hidden. It's the arcane, meaning mysterious and understood by few.
That's how I see it. The future isn't written, it's and under the mysteries of no law/rules and time.
We can predict, but it can change. We can advise, but freewill comes in. You can only read what's in front of you at the time of reading.
The only certainty of this life, is we are all gonna die one day.
Have been spending time with my eldest daughter who is interested in astrology : last year she journeyed through her natal chart and for her, it explained a lot.
She taught herself about transits, squares, houses and all the other "things" and the fabulous terminology. (Me: crickets ` yeah I got nothing !)
I adore astrology , but I don't understand it in depth. I know enough to save myself and that's it.
She will often message me and always finds other little snippets of information that can benefit or explain certain areas in my natal chart.
She is happy plodding along, teaching herself and generating charts for family.
But what I love the best, Is when she looks and interprets a aspect/house intuitively. That to me is the best and spot on.
So going through my chart she finds a lot of links to the Underworld/Death/Metaphysics.
Written in the stars ? Who know's, maybe?
I had a shamanic astrology chart done by Mikailiah last year and it was there too, my underworld meanderings.
Check her out , she is amazing.
I wanted to know why I don't actually talk/ write about in a public way?
Like my blog ?
It's not because it's a taboo subject or not openly discussed. Couldn't give two shit's...because if I learnt anything about my time earth side...Life is way to short to be giving fucks.
I teach about it weekly, In my glory doing Palliative workshops in Aged care. Actively practising my craft.
Anyone that knows me, knows I get excited when I actually speak about it.
My heart calls me and my head bursts with love, stories and a remembering of home.
I often need to reign it in, I can scare the shit out of people. I'll never forget a couple of the students faces when I introduced death....
Just because I am comfortable in the underworld, not everyone is.
At the same time as getting excited when I speak about death,In the physical the energy drops and becomes sacred , often words are not needed.
One particular story stands out ~
I was called a couple of years ago to do ceremony for a palliative patient in a Nursing home. I had a frantic call from the facility: it would be soon.
I knew I would get smashed in traffic,
but I also knew I had enough time to get there. I didn't rush, I didn't need too.
Now I had worked at this particular facility as a nurse, so the staff knew me well. They were expecting me to come in bouncing , like I normally would for a normal working shift...No.
They may have informed this particular family, that I was bright and bubbly. The family were obviously expecting something different :)
Death starts working with me, before the person crosses over. Could be a week or a day or a hour, I can't explain it.
My energy drops into the sacred and there is such a absolute clarity of what comes next.
I don't need to speak, I only listen and react accordingly.
The daughter asked if I was a Witch (I'll never forget it )and I said yes.
I was in the medical as a Witch, a place where I had worked as a professional Nurse and I claimed Witchyness.
Because that day I wasn't a nurse, That day I was the deathworker.
It was beautiful and I could answer medical questions that the family asked. I worked along side my nursing colleges and it was a eye-opener for them too.
I think they got a lot of validation on why we do what we do and how it's never about us..it's about the family and the one Journeying home.
As nurses or carers they are natural space holders when someone is dying , we all are. We worked as a team that day: The medical and esoteric,the way it should always be.
I have one foot in the medical and one foot in the spiritual ...talk about walking between worlds. Hahaha :)
My soul sister Julia from Sacred familiar, wrote recently about my deathwork in her blog.
I read it and went Farkkkkk !!! She is a dear friend who has always supported me in everything I do.
As she was writing she heard the song "Flaming star" by Elvis.
As I listened, I had tears streaming down my face. I grew up on Elvis and love him dearly.
Apparently there was unreleased version of this song called "Black star" If you Youtube it, you can listen to it. I told Julia and we ended up on massive tangent's ,like we always do.
David Bowie released his album Black star prior to his death. Elvis was his Idol and they were born on the same day.
Props to his Idol? He knew the black star was on his shoulder.
RESPECT Bowie, respect .
So back to my of not writing/talking about it publicly:
At first I thought I was worried of judgements from the medical world pffftt yeah...just Nah !
Then I thought I was worried about the "spiritual " world ? Again ...fuck no
This is what I discovered. ( With the help of my beautiful daughter)
Sign in the 12th house is what you are not naturally comfortable with. Dreams and secrets. WITHDRAWAL.HERMIT
Assistance with soul work. My 12th house is ruled by Scorpio, the Lord of the Underworld. With all the sex, death and occult symbolism from Scorpio, this is often hidden by the nature of my 12th house.
The 12th house is for our secrets, hidden things and endings. I have only one planet in this house and it is Neptune, Lord of the weird ,spiritually psychic, airy fairy people. (Alex's words) haha
What does this all mean?
All the energies in my 12th house, including the house itself are to do with spirituality, death and endings. Is that not a perfect summary of me as a death worker?
Yet the nature of the 12th house, causes me to hide this part. I am neither ashamed nor proud of it. I just get the job done.
I don't think it's anything special, It's a part of me like the breath I take.
When I'm teaching/training : natural as, because it's my world and calling. I don't even have to think about it. It just is.
To write about: is extremely fucking hard. To share, even harder..Scorpio you fucker!
Very contrary I know! A bloody walking contradiction.
Throw in the Uranian energy of the ultimate rebel, which is also very dominant in my chart and wella secretive ,ratbag rebel against the norm.
This is the longest blog and most epic one I have ever birthed. I feel my soul is naked and I'm out in the open.
I don't mind being naked , but I need to cover my head with the veil.
In the dark and other worlds I am content,happy & rocking it.
It's out in the open that I'm not so comfy.
All death workers are different and come from their own knowing.
The end goal however is the same for all of us, to die a good death.