I’ve been feeling Hecate for a while now in cosmos, her and Venus have been kicking my ass.
Whenever I’m at the crossroads of life
Hecate always steps in
After all that’s her Jam..the crossroads
I am trying to understand all the signs I get, some happened years ago some more recently.
It’s only when I remember, that it becomes clear.
I remember a while ago I dreamt, I was walking through a hospital/nursing home and talking to the patients
I was happy enough engaging but there was a nagging inner voice saying to me “you don’t belong here” I continued to walk through the hallways and the feeling grew. I felt like a alien. People wanted to talk to me and although polite,I was looking for the escape door.
I walked right to the back and out the door.
Next minute I was in the woods
I was barefoot and cloaked
I came across a clearing with a tree stump.
It became my alter, in the clearing, In the dark.
I could still see the building but it grew father away as I focused on where I was and how comfortable I was. It felt Like home.
I started chanting “I honour the dark mother” over and over
In my hand I had a box and it had matches and other odd little things that I can’t remember.
I held up a lipstick and was applying it…blood red and still chanting
It was surreal and real at the same time
That was my initiation
The dark mother/goddess had called me
To say it was intense is putting it lightly
I woke up with my whole-body vibrating
I didn’t see her, but I felt her.
I serve her, I honour her always.
When ever your at the crossroads in life
Be still, the answers will come.
I just recently returned from a cruise, my first one
Sailing the sea's…pirating
Fuck, I was in my element!!!
It was a very rough crossing for the first two days. Many people were seasick, even seasoned cruisers were overcome.
The ship was dipping as well as rolling
I was worried I might not have sea legs, I shouldn’t have.
I loved every minute of it, on the decks…no one around because of how rough it was.
I forget that’s in my blood sometimes, the pirate.
I also realised how anti social or a nicer term would be introverted, I really am.
After the rough seas subsided, everyone surfaced.
Cruising is very social and everyone wants to talk, which is fine, but sometimes…just no.
I’ll talk to anyone, anytime.
But at times I just wanted to merge into the vastness of the ocean and be alone.
Which I did.
I understand there are many lonely people out there and I think the loneliness was magnified by the full moon on the water, maybe?
I was zen as fuck and it showed, therefore people were comfortable telling me their story. Some sad, some funny and some tragic.
I realised they actually didn't need anything from me, just a chat.
I'm saying a word for all the lonely people, sometimes we need to hear.
Just listening, not talking.
Open to all the feels
Listening without Judgement
The highlight of the trip for me apart from being on the water and travelling with my Mumma was Kangaroo Island.
Karta: Island of the Dead - Kangaroo Island
Kangaroo Island separated from mainland Australia around 10,000 years ago, due to rising sea level after the last glacial period. Known as Karta ("Island of the Dead") by the mainland Aboriginal tribes, the existence of stone tools and shell middens show that Aboriginal people once lived on Kangaroo Island.
Ngurunderi was a creation being in the Dreaming of the tribes of the lower Murray River, lakes and Coorong of South Australia. These tribes believe that the spirit follows the path taken by Nguruderi to (Kangaroo Island ) after death, where they travel to the Waleruwar (the spirit world) in the Milky Way.
The minute I stepped on the Island, I felt at home with the spirits of the dead.
The animal medicine there was plentiful. Such a beautiful place to walk the land and sense the in-between. I didn’t want to leave.
I really believe that when you walk the land, something happens to you.
You carry a little piece of wherever you walk with you and it's available anytime when you remember and connect back.
We carry it in our bones, the wayfarer.
I also wanted to say that after travelling you usually come home to well things that make you go hmmmmm, that may have escaped your attention prior because your focus is on the possibility’s and excitement of the unknown adventure ahead.
Those of you that are on Fuck book, whoops I mean Facebook, may have seen my video about unethical practices in this place we call “spiritual ”
Or as I prefer to call it the occult.
I pretty much said all I need to in that Vid.
However, I didn’t name the person who helped me and he deserves a big, fucking HUGE mention.
His name is Tony Esta, and he walks in the underworld.
I see him as the black panther walking in the in-between. Protecting and clearing your person and space.
He clears houses and talk's to the dead.
He can see things, like attachment's and all kinds of freaky shit that most people are afraid of.
He is humble and honest and basically about the only person I would trust to look in on me energetically.
A traveller of the underworld and at home there.
Tony looked in for me and needless to say, the minute I knew he was on the job, I felt at peace.
I knew the Panther was would take care of whatever fuckery was hanging around and he did.
He didn’t know what was going on, I just asked him to take a look.
He named it, he knew where it came from and even described the person that was wishing me ill (either consciously or unconsciously).
Let’s just say that motherfucking energy won’t be back as he has put up major protection around me and mine.
I'm very grateful for the work he does and even more grateful his my mate.
If you need the big guns, give Tony a call.
Below I’ve included a link to get in contact if needed.
Well, well, well 2019 already!
The build up was enormous! Christmas and then the wait for the new year. That weird in-between time.Nothing seems to happening and your stuck in state of.... hmmm it feels like "nothingness" and anticipation.
Normally a good time to reflect on the year to come. This year felt different however, it was almost like the future was saying: Hey, you'll be alright, don't sweat it.
It can be a hard thing to do, trust. You're being asked to trust in something that hasn't happened yet.
On a collective level I get it..the future is unworkable, things change. Our actions can determine the outcome.
Which brings me to reading tarot as I've had a few requests for Tarot readings.
You can only see what the cards are telling you. The ultimate decision comes back to the person, always. It's called free will.
Reading tarot can be tricky. I'm talking about what you see vs your own ego.
It can be so easy to believe your own bullshit and project onto others.
I've had it done to me by readers.
A lot of the time, it does come from the heart and a genuine need or desire to help/assist someone who is in pain or needs answers.
I've also argued with readers,who have adamantly told me future predictions and basically when I questioned the outcome ,became wounded and insulted.
The need to prove a point in a reading is just childish.
But that's where it gets sticky. A reader should be motherfucking Switzerland.
We are taught/ trained through books, gurus and workshops that we are little mini oracles, here to save the world and the humans. Seriously!
I'm pretty much self taught, but have read a few books. Have seen the outlines for some workshops and it leaves me questioning.
I don't know everything when it comes to tarot...far from it. There is so much to know and feel around Tarot it's endless, like the cosmos.
To me there is nothing worse, than someone telling me: You need to do this or that.
My inner rebel comes out to play,I don't like being told what to do.
I'll listen to the advice then make my own mind up, for better or worse.
Man, I argue with my spirit guides in my dreams when they are trying to tell me what to do..so yeah good luck with that one.
I try to catch myself with the terminology to rule it out completely, I've caught myself saying these words too. Arggg and it always feels horrible and insulting.To me and the person receiving.
Some people like being told what to do and how to do it. Freewill is not a option, they want you to tell them.And I think that's where it gets blurry.
It's is a service, it's advice.It's not a platform to spruke your own beliefs on how someone should do life. It's not about being superior and think you know everything.
I think everyone deserves to undertake their own freewill and sovereignty.
It's how we learn and grow, from mistakes.
I really think it's the terminology and mindset that needs to change: the "you need to " advice need's to fuck off.
Remember where the Tarot come's from : It's the Occult, meaning hidden. It's the arcane, meaning mysterious and understood by few.
That's how I see it. The future isn't written, it's and under the mysteries of no law/rules and time.
We can predict, but it can change. We can advise, but freewill comes in. You can only read what's in front of you at the time of reading.
The only certainty of this life, is we are all gonna die one day.
As the end fastly approaches (of the year I mean)
Lot’s of changes and endings for many, the cosmos has provided some stellar moments and some downright fuckery.
It’s been a mixed year for me.
Chiron return ..Tick done
Traveled …hell yeah
Went to the depths and went to the motherfucking cosmos
Like I said mixed!
How’s your year been? Betcha there is gold in there mixed with some shitful moments? Hmmm
The most important key I got from this year, just recently occurred.
Those of you who read my blog, know my feelings and apathy towards the New age and spiritual bastardry I feel on a cellular level.
I know it, I feel it and could never explain it deeply enough as to why it affected me so much. This has been going on for years.
The concepts of corporate spirituality left me cold and angry
I wanted nothing to do with it, it made me retreat and embarrassed to even call myself spiritual.
I withdrew, because I couldn’t play there, it insulted my soul daily.
I know that sounds extreme. But it’s how I felt and it made me miserable.
Then I would back track and think I’m too harsh and too judgey
Surely it’s great that spirituality is available for the masses, isn’t it?
Well yes and no , because it’s become a land of entitled, over bearing fucking experts, entrepreneur’s, marketing gurus, mentors and corporate upselling of brands.
The terminology and brainwashing tactics that are used under the umbrella term “spirituality”
This is a ongoing conversation between me and my tribe of people l I trust. We all feel the same way.
We finally named it for what it is and I can’t tell you enough the relief we feel.
We've given it a name that we understand, to all of the above frustrations.
Thankyou Julia xxx
I now know what I’m dealing with. Before I named it, it was a whole ideology, too vast to nail down. With one singular name I understand and it has no power anymore.
I need to fully feel and understand the depths of a idealogy to let it go, but let me tell you this one was a slippery sucker.
It’s so masked with latent bullshit, there’s a mine field to navigate to get to the truth and agenda behind it.
This might sound like sour grapes to some. Don’t care, if they spread their agenda, thinly masked as spirituality. I think I can speak my truth which is my agenda.
I’m not here to be a star of the corporate world and look good on social media
I just want people to know what and who I am, no pretense
No glam shots, No fluffy terminology, A sweary bitch with intent to do some fab healings for people that want it.
My force is strong with animal medicine, and I’ve been known to do a rippa tarot reading or two.
I make witches mirrors and work with wings, bones and skins
I’ve just recently asked for some new testimonials…Which was hard, but I reckon other people can explain or give a true account of how they feel, way better than me. The last time I updated it was 2014….that’s how much it did my head in!
I’ve updated the website and I can finally say that it’s the first time I’ve ever felt proud of my website. I feel it’s finally a accurate reflection
Because I bought the lie too, and left stuff there that I thought you had to have.
I’m under no illusion that the web and social media are the way people find you to see what you offer, I get it. So have given in to use my webpage as that platform.
Mostly for me it’s still word of mouth, thank the gods. However, if I have to play online, the website needs to be clear and honest for me to truly embrace it.
There is a fine line between self promotion and agenda, If I slip you all have permission to smack me in the fucking head.
Phew that was biggie!
I just wanna say to those that feel the same way, have faith in yourself, find your tribe( if you need it) and be so honest with your practice that its blinding. Name what shits you with the world and feel free, you are under no obligation to swallow shit in whatever form it comes.
All we can do is be true to ourselves, and when you’re not that’s when you feel it..the sadness and melancholy.
There are no rules with spirituality, no one has the right to tell you how to be. You are you.
If you’re a freak, fly the flag.
I just want to thank my tribe of weird ass bitches and I am truly grateful for all the insights we share to unfuck ourselves from the bullshit world we find ourselves in.
You motherfuckers of badassery know who you are xxx
I hope everyone has a splendid and safe end of the year celebrations, whatever your practice.
That's me signing off till next year,
Hope everyone is travelling well
I’ve returned from my wayfaring ways, 7 weeks in the northern hemisphere
I don’t even know where to start ? Haha
So much happened and my spirit was in nirvana.
I don’t want to bang on about it, but fuck it was intense.
So many teachings, so many synchronicity’s and messages came thick and fast.
The dreams were extraordinary.
I was so open and relaxed that my brain forgot to decipher, and that’s a good thing.
In the moment totally with all that came my way.
It sort of showed me, how much I’m in my head when I do life on a day to day basis.
Ya know ….Life I think we all get stuck in it, don’t we? It’s a hard one to come out of, I’ve tried by practicing, but I totally suck at it.
I can’t be fucked half the time and figure I’m not trying to be a enlightened master…so we do our best with what we’ve got.
I think when you travel, something in the soul free’s up , because you’re doing something you love. I guess we are all like that.
That’s the key, doing what you love and being honest with yourself I reckon.
I’m still remembering the different things that happened and the big medicine and healing I received from being in the land of my ancestor’s.
It was definitely a pilgrimage of sorts.
I got to see places I’ve only dreamt about.
I’ve tried to write a couple of times about the magic for the blog, but yeah it’s not coming.
I think it’s for me to process and then put into practice.
I’m excited to open the healing space again, just to see what comes through.
I’ll still be doing them distance, for me it’s the best way to work.
I can go straight in and meet you in the shadows, in the deepest part, that we don't show. My favorite !!
If I could build a cave and trust me, seriously thinking about it on the land, I would have sessions in there.
One thing that definitely ingrained throughout the trip (even though I already knew), was my love for the underground. I feel so at home and the remembering is powerful.
In the dark, with limited light, my senses tune in and what comes in, is all the feels.
I can see, hear and feel.
I love working with people, but feel I can be better of service when I can just meet you there in the ethers and do what needs to be done.
I can get distracted by all the feels when doing them in person, and no offence, I don’t want to know anything about your life or situation previously to healing.
It’s of no concern to me, and it doesn’t matter. Whatever you need in the healing will happen, that’s all I know.
Same goes for reading the Tarot and animal messages. By taking away the human element/expectations, your spirit is free to rock the fuck on and receive.
Truth: the seekers quest.
Some find it in connection to religion/spirit. The divine. I guess it’s all about perception and what you believe to be the truth and all our truths are different.
I haven’t found it spirituality at all. At the core, I understand it but I will never follow blindly, the concepts of religion or spirituality.
Which leads into the existential crisis syndrome. Why are we here? What Have we come to achieve? What’s our journey? Why?
I’ll always be searching, I know this. Some have said to me, When I find God, I’ll find peace. I’ve had that said to me on numerous occasions. May be that’s the search? To find the God within? Who knows?
I know very early on in my quest, I had a dream where I was sitting in a pub and a very non –descript man sat next to me. He looked me straight in the eye and told me I have everything I need within. I didn’t need to search without.
That dream, has stayed with me. I call it my God dream. Did I stop searching? Hell no. But what I did do was trust myself more.
I stopped buying the guru books and going to workshops to improve myself “spiritually”.
I’m not saying I know everything, because fuck me, I don’t. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with workshops either.
But for me, at that point in my life I was voracious and would go and learn anything I could. I would often walk away, feeling “undone”. I would go with a open heart and want to learn, only to walk away and be disappointed because I felt didn’t learn anything new. But like always, I did learn, it may not have been evident at the time.
Just not in the way I expected. I learnt how to be accepted, I learnt the “rules”, I learnt the new age way.
The biggest teaching for me was: I actually learnt how not to be.
Fast forward: So my journey continues with feeling like a fish out of the ocean or like alien stranded on a distant planet.
Why? Because I’ve been waiting for understanding. It’s not anyone’s’ job to understand me, I finally get it.
Just like it’s not my job to understand them. It is what it is.
(I have done previous posts on my journey through religion and the new age for my thoughts on it if you’re interested, check it out)
I thought I needed acceptance from peers but, more than anything I wanted to be understood.
That’s a huge mantle to carry, fucking depressing actually. We are all weird as fuck when you get down to the bones of it.
When people asked me what I do in healings, I could never explain it on paper or in words and it killed me. I needed/wanted people to understand and feel comfortable with it. And I never could.
So when I finally fitted the last piece of the puzzle, The weight lifted off me.
I have been doing distance healings, and it has been fantastic.
They are as freaky as fuck, just the way I like it. I’m in the in-between with no distractions. I can journey into your energy and clear shit. I still can’t explain it and I’m not going to. It’s just what I do and who I am.
That's my Truth.
Got a motherfucker in your energy? I’ll rip them out by their throat, then bless them.
Need a balance? I’ll Zen as fuck you
Haha That’s’ the best explanation I’ve ever come up with !!!
So yeah, If ya want a healing I’m only doing distance by appointment.
Nick Cave & Grinderman say it best with their lyrics to Get it on
"I had to get up to get down to start all over again
Head on down to the basement and shout
Kick those white mice and black dogs out
Kick those white mice and baboons out
Kick those baboons and other motherfuckers out
And get it on ,get it on, get it on
On the day that you got born"
Aquarius & Eclipse season is here Yay!
Hope everyone got a chance to see the super, blue, blood moon last night!
(If you didn't, here is pic from Melbourne;Australia. When she was full ,before the eclipse )
I know in parts of Europe they will not be able to see it.The energy will still be there though, just because it's hidden, doesn’t mean you won’t feel it. The lead up to it was intense.
When the moon was in cancer ,before she transited into Leo I was melancholy and then when she moved into Leo I was pissed off, the lions roar was deafening. Such is the life when you live by lady luna cycles!
I know that sounds ridiculous, but if chart your emotions by the stars and moon…fuck me.
There has been so much cosmically happening this year already and we just moved into the second month of the year…head spins
Christmas and the new year was blur,questioning if it happened? Like legit!
Before Christmas ,I made plans in my head of what I wanted to to do in this year of our lord 2018. The focus was definitely coming from a place of I gotta do more spiritually.
The pressure of being a healer/death worker/tarot was getting to me. And I felt I needed to do more, obviously I was taking way too many drugs or not enough. (joking of course)
What a crock ! Because I was happy doing none of it. The martyr in me was activated…it’s always there. Every job I’ve ever had, has been one of service. A sense of duty.
From serving in pubs through school years, to becoming a personal carer and then nurse/ healer. Still in service.
Wanting to help people and being altruistic is definitely a part of it .
But last year held some big teachings.I closed down the FB page and decided I wasn’t playing there anymore. The spiritual world was leaving a bad taste in my mouth and was I looking out at it, rather than within.
Change comes through really looking at yourself and questioning the emotions and feelings.
There is always doubt and ya know the universal signs can just fuck you up even more, cause ya gotta decode that shit!
Albert Einstein is broadly credited with exclaiming
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”
Other verifiable evidence of the quote's original authorship come from:
1. Rita Mae Brown's 1983 novel, Sudden Death, published by Bantam Books, New York p.68 (attributed to Jane Fulton)
Before people with mental illness, get all up in my grille
This, I believe is not about a legitimate diagnosis of insanity
It's not meant to be taken literally
I believe it's about us all on the merry go round.
Day in day out and not getting off it to change the pattern.
So I wanted to change the thought processes and my ingrained need to be responsible and serve
Ohh I went there. Lots of cellular memory and patterns from life times past and all connected to this crooked path.
I had my solar return chart done by the star witch Mikailah
IT was Brilliant!
Mapped through the stars and planets of my choice to return through the galactic gate.
I explored more through the human design and found my path to be (no surprises ) The martyr / heretic
It’s all about Bless you /fuck you in one breath
Eternally searching for the truth, wanting to share with the masses what I’ve learned
“The 3rd line profile is driven to experiment with certain things or put themselves in situations so they can have an experience from which they extract truths
After synthesizing the impact, they then share the results with world or at least their local community. Because society judges some experiments as failures the 3rd line carries the moniker of Martyr.”
“The 5th line kicks in to share the results of these experiments/experiences in a projected way, The 5th line is driven to create this change, often geared toward changing the behavior of others. This projection also carries an absoluteness to it, as in “I know this is right.” However since this energy is projected, it needs to be invited. People don’t want change unless they are ready for it. If the prognostications of the 5th line are not invited then the 5th line person can feel the oppression of rejection or the insult of being ignored. This is why the 5th line carries the moniker of the Heretic.”
So to top it off I’m in my Chiron return too
The wounded healer
Like I said earlier ,cosmic baby
This year is all about me, as you can probably tell from the post !! haha
I’m not doing any readings/healings/tarot this year
The only work I will be doing is in service to death and the dark mothers: The keening Circles with Julia and Kaggi.
It feels so good to step away from the service of healing/tarot to others
I don’t know why, maybe it will return? Maybe it won’t?
I’ve learned one thing: If you feel you need to do it just out of responsibility, it’s not real or truthful and probably ego driven
It's Gotta make your heart sing
Then you know you’re on a winner
Woke up with all the feels of the bloodhound gang <3 In the bestest way xx
Hail and welcome 2017
So how has the new year treated you thus far?
It’s been a bit of a mixed bag hasn’t it?
I started out with a bang, saw the amazing Nick cave and Bad seeds
Celebrated the Chinese new year in the city and found my badass self with the Transformers (Bumble bee & Optimus prime) Ya know saving the universe and shit :)
I think I peaked too early
2016 lessons were lingering and I needed to follow that shadow down the rabbit hole
Sometimes when your floundering around looking for answers to life’s problems/questions
It can hit you in unexpected ways.
I put it out to the universe many years ago to let me see, to always find the hidden, and I forgot.
To always see the divine, to see the joy in life and I forgot
To honor the freedom that’s my birthright and I forgot
To see the love and the connections and I forgot
To remember my past, present and future and I forgot
To unbind the fears and shackles of the past and live in the moment and I forgot
To always find it within and I forgot
Through the joy of that epic day mentioned above, the remembering came flooding back.
Restless, pissed off and uninspired
I grabbed the bull by the horns and rode that motherfucker into the darkness
It’s always where I find the light, always
We all have treasures hidden in our darkness
My darkness propels me forward to the light
I relinquished my control in the darkness
I hear my voice calling me and all my gifts
The good, the bad and ugly
To anyone feeling the same
Hear your voice in the dark
"When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow".
— Ursula K. Le Guin
As we enter 2017 and leave the 2016 behind , thoughts of whata shit year come to mind for many people
2016 was a completion year, in numerology it was a 9 year. 2017 is a 1 year , a new beginning year , so to speak.
The theory is what you have learnt over the past 9 year cycle , you can now put into practice.
So ? What have you learnt?
As I reflect back, this energy for me personally, has been around since 2011 niggling and preparing for the 9 year.
Everything I have learnt and still am learning was exposed in 2016. Nowhere to hide anymore. Shit was reflected back at a defcon 10 level
Some of my most epic moments I have 2016 to thank for.
Whilst I was amongst it, it was hard, at times kicking and screaming like a banshee but in the process of going deep, 2016 allowed me that.
Massive clearing and unfucking moments.
I’m still not clear what the next step is in my journey, but I have a better idea: no regrets
The uncertainty has dissolved and am open to whatever may come as a gift of the number 1.
I reckon we have all put in the hard yards and cosmically the power of 1 is already working
So 2016 fuck you/ thankyou very much from the bottom of my gracious and humble heart for the lessons you bestowed on me.
Hail and welcome 2017
Changing woman is a revered Navajo goddess
According to legend, Changing Woman changes continuously but never dies.
She grows into an old woman in winter, but by spring, she becomes a young woman again.
In this way, she represents the power of life, fertility, and changing seasons.
I know I'm always changing.
Looking back sometimes I'm mortified at old beliefs or things written/spoken.
I can wake up feeling old and by the afternoon I'm a kid again; constantly changing.
My husband calls me Chaos ,not many people can handle my changes.
Bless him :)
The theme of change is constant around a lot of us, do we fight the changes or do we accept it ?
Do we even notice them?
Think of times of change: fucking hardcore
Change is scary
Change is hard
But once it's blazed away the shit... you’re changed for better or worse
Change comes in many forms and the universe is a constant teacher.
I guess we are being called to pay attention to our hearts and where our change leads us.
Is it where you need to be?
Mostly I welcome the change , other times ya gotta drag me kicking and screaming.
Yep denial is a old, safe love of mine. It's safe because I don't have to change.
I can't face the mirror that's being held up for me to look.
I get around to it...eventually
I usually find that once I've looked, inherently I'm the same inside , but changed or in the process of changing.
Changing woman has been around a while for me and she often appears when I feel stagnant.
The changes are occurring but slowly, probably giving me time to catch my breath rather than hold it which I have a tendency to do.
The road is clearing but still many changes need to occur.
But I guess that’s life isn't it ?