Hail and welcome 2017
So how has the new year treated you thus far?
It’s been a bit of a mixed bag hasn’t it?
I started out with a bang, saw the amazing Nick cave and Bad seeds
Celebrated the Chinese new year in the city and found my badass self with the Transformers (Bumble bee & Optimus prime) Ya know saving the universe and shit :)
I think I peaked too early
2016 lessons were lingering and I needed to follow that shadow down the rabbit hole
Sometimes when your floundering around looking for answers to life’s problems/questions
It can hit you in unexpected ways.
I put it out to the universe many years ago to let me see, to always find the hidden, and I forgot.
To always see the divine, to see the joy in life and I forgot
To honor the freedom that’s my birthright and I forgot
To see the love and the connections and I forgot
To remember my past, present and future and I forgot
To unbind the fears and shackles of the past and live in the moment and I forgot
To always find it within and I forgot
Through the joy of that epic day mentioned above, the remembering came flooding back.
Restless, pissed off and uninspired
I grabbed the bull by the horns and rode that motherfucker into the darkness
It’s always where I find the light, always
We all have treasures hidden in our darkness
My darkness propels me forward to the light
I relinquished my control in the darkness
I hear my voice calling me and all my gifts
The good, the bad and ugly
To anyone feeling the same
Hear your voice in the dark
"When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow".
— Ursula K. Le Guin
Changing woman is a revered Navajo goddess
According to legend, Changing Woman changes continuously but never dies.
She grows into an old woman in winter, but by spring, she becomes a young woman again.
In this way, she represents the power of life, fertility, and changing seasons.
I know I'm always changing.
Looking back sometimes I'm mortified at old beliefs or things written/spoken.
I can wake up feeling old and by the afternoon I'm a kid again; constantly changing.
My husband calls me Chaos ,not many people can handle my changes.
Bless him :)
The theme of change is constant around a lot of us, do we fight the changes or do we accept it ?
Do we even notice them?
Think of times of change: fucking hardcore
Change is scary
Change is hard
But once it's blazed away the shit... you’re changed for better or worse
Change comes in many forms and the universe is a constant teacher.
I guess we are being called to pay attention to our hearts and where our change leads us.
Is it where you need to be?
Mostly I welcome the change , other times ya gotta drag me kicking and screaming.
Yep denial is a old, safe love of mine. It's safe because I don't have to change.
I can't face the mirror that's being held up for me to look.
I get around to it...eventually
I usually find that once I've looked, inherently I'm the same inside , but changed or in the process of changing.
Changing woman has been around a while for me and she often appears when I feel stagnant.
The changes are occurring but slowly, probably giving me time to catch my breath rather than hold it which I have a tendency to do.
The road is clearing but still many changes need to occur.
But I guess that’s life isn't it ?
I remember a time, when I was searching daily
For that place where I belong
For that place where I fit in
I thought I finally found it within the “New Age’
You see I sucked as a catholic. Always in trouble and the dogma didn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.
I remember it clearly when I found the divine feminine in a patriarchal religion
I got into so much trouble one day, for what I can’t even remember?
So being a kid I went to the place where we were not allowed, out the back near the incinerator.
It always dumbfounded me that no one was allowed there …because there was a statue of Mother Mary holding the Christ child.
I was alone and held her hand and talked to her…railing against the bullshit of catholic “rules”
I told her I didn’t understand
I told her I didn’t believe
I told her I hated the church
Whether it was just getting it all " out "so to speak or I really had a connection to a higher spirit, I don’t know but I felt so much peace at that moment and a knowing that everything about me was ok.
I wasn’t the devils spawn as the priests had told me.
My god wasn’t all fire and brimstone, like they wanted me to believe, he was love and from that day me and the almighty have been ok
I denounced religion that day, I was 13
FWD to later years…..still searching, enter the
Accepting, passive ,love and light…yeah I could do that ( so I thought).
The deeper I got into it, the bigger the cracks and me back to square one.
Where the fuck do I fit?
Again the dogma and the rules, or guidelines
So I went from hell and into the light
And I still sucked as a New ager
I was still the outcast and the perceived dark motherfucker
I remember asking a Reiki Master about the negative or shadow
She physically recoiled from me, and denied it
"Don’t bring it" in was her frantic response
I cast a shadow the day apparently and other lover and lighters stayed away from me.
I went outside and sat my ass on some grass and smiled
I was righteous in my own knowing and I knew I could never fit in there either.
It was another religion
Masters and slaves
Filled with dogma, rules and regulations
Mind control to take you away from your own sovereignty
I found no truth here, no belonging, just like the Catholics preaching but with a different face
They wanted you to forget your own innate power within the natural law.
We are not separate from the natural law, we are a part of it
To me, all forms of religion are control
Even the pagan or earth based practices ~ which I would say, I closely align to
I have stopped trying to fit in
I am a free spirit, a rebel and non conformist
Authoritarians love me …not
They do their best to make me conform from corporations like the police & governments to my in -laws that are born again Christians, who can’t handle the fact that I don’t subscribe to their notions.
I couldn’t give a rats what they believe, if their happy ( in religion) I ain’t the one to question them and I never have.
But that doesn’t stop them questioning everything I stand for. They want me to be something I’m not and could never be.
They are control and I am chaos
Acceptance vs Resistance
If your happy with the way things are going in the general scheme of things ~ ok ~ Good!
But don’t judge other’s that don’t feel the same and don’t accept the current control.
The rebels, the misfits, the lawbreakers, the one’s that don’t conform, The ones that feel it in their core to resist and not accept .
It’s ok to, stand up for your beliefs whatever they may be.
I have been locked up, been before the courts, had the book thrown at me (literally) fined, harassed and assaulted by the law, protested and picketed for what I believe in.
Been threatened and intimidated by Corporations, taking pics of my house and vehicles
Did it worry me; No !!!
We have the power to say NO to what we do not accept or situations that insult our soul and knowing.
This is my truth
Hence the unfucking stage commenced to unfuck myself from all dogma and rules
(still a work in progress)
I’m questing now, not searching: A quest to for balance : To balance the religion brainwashing (patriarchal) and New age brainwashing (Feminine)
To balance my masculine and feminine
To balance my left and right hemispheres of the brain
To honour and incorporate both in my daily practices. That’s my goal
To stand up for those that can’t or need help including myself to honour my divine masculine, and be righteous in my divine anger/protection if needed from the father
To show compassion and nurturing for those that need it including myself to honour the divine feminine, and be righteous in my own divinity and universal wisdom from the mother
That’s my Nirvana , will I ever reach it ?
Have no idea, but I do know…I’m going to have a most excellent adventure in trying.
Have been spending time with my eldest daughter who is interested in astrology : last year she journeyed through her natal chart and for her, it explained a lot.
She taught herself about transits, squares, houses and all the other "things" and the fabulous terminology. (Me: crickets ` yeah I got nothing !)
I adore astrology , but I don't understand it in depth. I know enough to save myself and that's it.
She will often message me and always finds other little snippets of information that can benefit or explain certain areas in my natal chart.
She is happy plodding along, teaching herself and generating charts for family.
But what I love the best, Is when she looks and interprets a aspect/house intuitively. That to me is the best and spot on.
So going through my chart she finds a lot of links to the Underworld/Death/Metaphysics.
Written in the stars ? Who know's, maybe?
I had a shamanic astrology chart done by Mikailiah last year and it was there too, my underworld meanderings.
Check her out , she is amazing.
I wanted to know why I don't actually talk/ write about in a public way?
Like my blog ?
It's not because it's a taboo subject or not openly discussed. Couldn't give two shit's...because if I learnt anything about my time earth side...Life is way to short to be giving fucks.
I teach about it weekly, In my glory doing Palliative workshops in Aged care. Actively practising my craft.
Anyone that knows me, knows I get excited when I actually speak about it.
My heart calls me and my head bursts with love, stories and a remembering of home.
I often need to reign it in, I can scare the shit out of people. I'll never forget a couple of the students faces when I introduced death....
Just because I am comfortable in the underworld, not everyone is.
At the same time as getting excited when I speak about death,In the physical the energy drops and becomes sacred , often words are not needed.
One particular story stands out ~
I was called a couple of years ago to do ceremony for a palliative patient in a Nursing home. I had a frantic call from the facility: it would be soon.
I knew I would get smashed in traffic,
but I also knew I had enough time to get there. I didn't rush, I didn't need too.
Now I had worked at this particular facility as a nurse, so the staff knew me well. They were expecting me to come in bouncing , like I normally would for a normal working shift...No.
They may have informed this particular family, that I was bright and bubbly. The family were obviously expecting something different :)
Death starts working with me, before the person crosses over. Could be a week or a day or a hour, I can't explain it.
My energy drops into the sacred and there is such a absolute clarity of what comes next.
I don't need to speak, I only listen and react accordingly.
The daughter asked if I was a Witch (I'll never forget it )and I said yes.
I was in the medical as a Witch, a place where I had worked as a professional Nurse and I claimed Witchyness.
Because that day I wasn't a nurse, That day I was the deathworker.
It was beautiful and I could answer medical questions that the family asked. I worked along side my nursing colleges and it was a eye-opener for them too.
I think they got a lot of validation on why we do what we do and how it's never about us..it's about the family and the one Journeying home.
As nurses or carers they are natural space holders when someone is dying , we all are. We worked as a team that day: The medical and esoteric,the way it should always be.
I have one foot in the medical and one foot in the spiritual ...talk about walking between worlds. Hahaha :)
My soul sister Julia from Sacred familiar, wrote recently about my deathwork in her blog.
I read it and went Farkkkkk !!! She is a dear friend who has always supported me in everything I do.
As she was writing she heard the song "Flaming star" by Elvis.
As I listened, I had tears streaming down my face. I grew up on Elvis and love him dearly.
Apparently there was unreleased version of this song called "Black star" If you Youtube it, you can listen to it. I told Julia and we ended up on massive tangent's ,like we always do.
David Bowie released his album Black star prior to his death. Elvis was his Idol and they were born on the same day.
Props to his Idol? He knew the black star was on his shoulder.
RESPECT Bowie, respect .
So back to my of not writing/talking about it publicly:
At first I thought I was worried of judgements from the medical world pffftt yeah...just Nah !
Then I thought I was worried about the "spiritual " world ? Again ...fuck no
This is what I discovered. ( With the help of my beautiful daughter)
Sign in the 12th house is what you are not naturally comfortable with. Dreams and secrets. WITHDRAWAL.HERMIT
Assistance with soul work. My 12th house is ruled by Scorpio, the Lord of the Underworld. With all the sex, death and occult symbolism from Scorpio, this is often hidden by the nature of my 12th house.
The 12th house is for our secrets, hidden things and endings. I have only one planet in this house and it is Neptune, Lord of the weird ,spiritually psychic, airy fairy people. (Alex's words) haha
What does this all mean?
All the energies in my 12th house, including the house itself are to do with spirituality, death and endings. Is that not a perfect summary of me as a death worker?
Yet the nature of the 12th house, causes me to hide this part. I am neither ashamed nor proud of it. I just get the job done.
I don't think it's anything special, It's a part of me like the breath I take.
When I'm teaching/training : natural as, because it's my world and calling. I don't even have to think about it. It just is.
To write about: is extremely fucking hard. To share, even harder..Scorpio you fucker!
Very contrary I know! A bloody walking contradiction.
Throw in the Uranian energy of the ultimate rebel, which is also very dominant in my chart and wella secretive ,ratbag rebel against the norm.
This is the longest blog and most epic one I have ever birthed. I feel my soul is naked and I'm out in the open.
I don't mind being naked , but I need to cover my head with the veil.
In the dark and other worlds I am content,happy & rocking it.
It's out in the open that I'm not so comfy.
All death workers are different and come from their own knowing.
The end goal however is the same for all of us, to die a good death.
I recently watched The Dressmaker, a Australian film based /adapted from Rosalie Ham's novel.
Directed by Jocelyn Moorhouse.
As I sat there and watched it…I was reminded of all the archetypes. Lilith in particular came to mind. The witch on the hill, the slut, the mad woman, the outcast and the cursed one, all labels from a patriarchal and small minded community.
Where anyone that doesn't conform is treated with contempt. If you’re different you are reminded daily. The nastiness and fear.
You can taste it. Never far from the surface, simmering like a cauldron.
On the flip side of these ass holes are magical souls that honour who they are…… eventually.
Some have embraced their uniqueness and give no fucks. Others strive to fit in and gain acceptance.
People fear what they don’t understand. Society fear's someone that is truly in their own power.
It’s not a pretty subject and it’s very sad in parts. Visually, it’s stunning and Judy Davis is outstanding as “Mad Molly ” the crone/hag.
This story has it all.
I adored the adventure that The Dressmaker took me on; quite a profound healing took place.
In honouring the witch and outcast.
Revenge, Redemption,Trust and Healing.
Ever feel the need to escape? Pack up hit the road? Sell everything and travel?
Live by the stars and moon . Wake up with the sun? Throw away the watch?
Yep! The roads been calling : loudly. Has been for years but somehow I always made excuses .
From stability of income to somewhere to lay our roots.
I think you know that “stuck” feeling. I absolutely loathe it. And the feeling is multiplying.
I want to live wild and not know where the next day will take me.
The thought of selling everything and hitting the road fills me with so much peace.
“Innate things” are weighing me down. All I need is the earth and my body to survive.
I can feel myself becoming free as I imagine the roads and the journeys.
I have released the fear of the unknown and welcomed it. No fixed address…geez I love the sound of that.
A home on wheels that will take me to the next adventure of a amazing sunrise or sunset.
It runs in our blood, the gypsy wanderers. My Nan, My mother. The great unknown.
I went to the caravan and camping show yesterday at the show grounds in Melbourne. Surrounded by grey nomads and young families chasing the road adventures.
The community exists if you want it. The unspoken look of : Yeah,I get you see you on the road.
There is no need for sales people to come after you. They get it. The dream sell's itself. Talking to one bloke he uttered “I sell freedom”
Freedom is free, he just sell's vehicles of purpose. The dream is what get's you there.
Follow your dreams,chase what makes you happy. See you in unknown.
I have had a hiatus from healings, readings and anything remotely connected to this work for over a year now, sometimes you need to get lost in your own path to understand learning, healing and grow stronger in the quite moments.
I used to panic and think I should be doing healings. Truth is I was torn. I am a healer, yet my care factor to give healings has been Zero. The room is set up, yet I can’t find the motivation or energy.
I believe last year was a transformative year for many of us. A lot of questions where raised as to what and where we are going? Lot’s of life path stuff.
I still have no motivation to do healings or readings.
I reflected back and realised I've been healing/Reading for a long time now. I would read for friends around the kitchen table. I have always done hands on healing for family and my children, since I can remember - it was a part of our life. I still do (very sporadic) healings on my family and close friends and that’s about all I can manage these days.
If you have to force it. Probably not what your soul needs at that moment in time.
I learnt a lot last year about myself by just honouring and taking a break, which I needed and by being honest of what I didn't want.
What do you want to do? How hard that is question?
Unless you are clear and know. It’s a hard question to answer.
I could never answer it concisely, too many bloody outcomes my mind would meltdown.
I started by eliminating things I didn’t want, for me that was easier.
Doing healings and readings happened to be at the top of the list.
Rather than doing healings I have been teaching and training, which I adore.
I have been following this path and it has led to so many magical moments, teachings from mamma earth, animal brothers and spirit dreams.
My mind got in the way and I thought “I should be” doing something “spiritually”.
Fact is I already was and am.
I’m doing something I love: Simple.
Will I return to Healings one on one? I don’t know? Can’t foresee it at this stage.
I don’t know where I will be in a year from now, who does?
My husband and I are thinking about selling everything we own and travelling around Australia in the not too distant future. Another twist in the crooked path…
Follow the signs and synchronicities that come your way with a open heart, you never know where it may lead you.
#Sharing below some magical moments :)
Surrounded by 3 women in a room looking at them my eyes can’t focus..my eyes are blurry . I am telling them I can’t see properly. I am scared and feel light headed. My eyes want to close, but I know when they do, I will go into the abyss. I can’t fight it anymore and as my eyes close I am in the dark, free falling into peace and nothingness. Surrounded by nothing, yet everything
Surrendering into unknown , free
A student found a turtle at his home, he asked around his neighbourhood and no one had "lost ' a turtle. I told him I would have take him.
I didn't realise , until I got him that he was a Eastern long neck or snake neck turtle. Such a beautiful, wild creature. He belonged in the wild. He is a protected species. We took him to the Vet on the advice of Wildlife Victoria and after a once over ...released him back into the wild ♥
Turtle teachings for walking your path
The turtle symbolizes our peaceful walk on this earth. It represents the path we take as we embark on our journey through life. In contrast to emotional or spiritual development occurring in bursts, the way of the turtle anchors our personal unfolding in a slow, more grounded series of steps and longer cycles of transformation.
The turtle is associated with our physical and embodied evolution on the earthly plane.
Call this spirit animal for help to be more grounded. You can also get help slowing down and pacing yourself, so you can take your next step with more confidence.
Having the turtle as totem means that you have an affinity with the ancient wisdom of the earth. You are naturally tuned into the elements, land, plants, people and animals.
You carry your home on your back figuratively speaking and feel at ease wherever you are
The turtle symbolism is characterized by the association with the Earth and earth symbols of groundedness and patience:
By Elena Harris, SpiritAnimal.info Editor
Thank you Turtle :)
"If you look at the cycles of the moon, it starts as a thin crescent and then gradually waxes until it becomes full; then it gradually wanes back into another crescent and then it is gone. The moon reflects sunlight like humans reflect information. We wax and wane and when we become full moons, our egos are full. We think we have this knowledge when in fact, the information we have is pure. And how it reflects or shines off of us, is something we take credit for as though the moon could take credit for its brightness when, in fact, it is only reflecting light from the sun. We have to understand that we are ego-less just as the moon is without light. It and we are simply reflectors. The ego is not responsible for the information. It can reflect the information in creative ways, but the information itself is pure." -Maynard James Keenan
I want to talk about Eagles… They are definitely my power animal. But I am not a expert or animal whisperer in any way shape or form. I always want to share insights about eagle medicine when it comes, but something always stops me. I think I get scared, if I'm to be completely honest. The old “who am I’ to offer insights raises its head and I'm like: "What the fuck do I know"? Something we can all relate to, no doubt.
Eagle came into my life about 6 years ago (fully) because I took my head out my arse and paid attention!
In my dreams and in the Physical. Bringing big medicine with him. He has been a constant in my life and sometimes I don’t honour the wisdom he offers.. I take him for granted and forget the wisdom he brings.
Last weekend, I finally got it..
I mean deep down in the visceral, in my bones, in my gut. If I thought I got before, I was dreaming. Ya gotta understand in my defence when he graces me with his presence I am often just in Awe.
11 eagles came to visit. The last one came very close to check me out, and then flew very high in a very casual manner. As I watched him depart, I saw him rise and rise and he truly gave no fucks about what was going on below .
Yes he scans and checks out ,what's cracking below. He visits mother earth and the tree's, but ultimately he belongs to the skies.
As I watched him, I got it and truly the message was “no fucks given”.
(Hey, I swear like a wharfie, he knew I would get that)
If you Google what Eagle means in the Totem/ spiritual world the terminology is often: higher perspective, wisdom, rise above and so on and so on.
Yeah I get it, but it needed it to be said in a way that I would understand.
In times of turmoil and when we are not sure, we often forget to look at the bigger picture, as we get bogged down in life. We forget to look up and see the beauty all around us.
The Eagle still has to hunt and live, as we mere humans do. But he also knows how to be free. He knows when to let shit go and fly high above it all. Do you think he cares what other eagles think of him? He’s got places to go and places to be. He is the King of the sky. Not in an arrogant way, in a” just got my shit sorted” way.
If we could take a leaf from his book, the unnecessary, self imposed restrictions we place on ourselves daily would drop away. We are so truly hard on ourselves.
If we allow ourselves time to be and de stress from the mundane every once in while.
We might be able to glimpse the sky and know it's ok. We are fine and the solar king remind's us of this by truly honouring his path and himself.
We all need a little reminding, that even in the darkest of times, we have the ability to connect to the divine (ourselves).