Control vs Chaos

 
I remember a time, when I was searching daily
For that place where I belong
For that place where I fit in
I thought I finally found it within the “New Age’
 
You see I sucked as a catholic. Always in trouble and the dogma didn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.
 
I remember it clearly when I found the divine feminine in a patriarchal religion
 
I got into so much trouble one day, for what I can’t even remember?
So being a kid I went to the place where we were not allowed, out the back near the incinerator.
 
It always dumbfounded me that no one was allowed there …because there was a statue of Mother Mary holding the Christ child.

I was alone and held her hand and talked to her…railing against the bullshit of catholic “rules”
 
I told her I didn’t understand
I told her I didn’t believe
 I told her I hated the church
 
 
Whether it was just getting it all " out "so to speak or I really had a connection to a higher spirit, I don’t know but I felt so much peace at that moment and a knowing that everything about me was ok.
 
I wasn’t the devils spawn as the priests had told me.
My god wasn’t all fire and brimstone, like they wanted me to believe,  he was love and from that day me and the almighty have been ok
 
I denounced religion that day, I was 13
 
FWD to later years…..still searching, enter the 
 
New age
 
Accepting, passive ,love and light…yeah I could do that ( so  I thought).
 
 The deeper I got into it, the bigger the cracks and me back to square one.
 
Where the fuck do I fit?
 
Again the dogma and the rules, or guidelines

• Don’t get angry 
• Don’t see the negative, it’s all positive
• We should feel good all the time  and a bunch of other crap that I couldn’t swallow

 
So I went from hell and into the light
 
And I still sucked as a New ager
 
I was still the outcast and the perceived dark motherfucker
 
I remember asking a Reiki Master about the negative or shadow
She physically recoiled from me, and denied it

"Don’t bring it" in was her frantic response
 
I cast a shadow the day apparently and other lover and lighters stayed away from me.
 
I went outside and sat my ass on some grass and smiled
 
I was righteous in my own knowing and I knew I could never fit in there either.
 
It was another religion
 
Masters and slaves

Filled with dogma, rules and regulations

Mind control to take you away from your own sovereignty
 
 
I found no truth here, no belonging, just like the Catholics preaching but with a different face
 
They wanted you to forget your own innate power within the natural law.
 
 
We are not separate from the natural law, we are a part of it
 
 
To me, all forms of religion are control
Even the pagan or earth based  practices ~ which I would say,  I closely align to
 
 I have stopped trying to fit in
 
 I am a free spirit, a rebel and non conformist
 
 Authoritarians love me …not
 
They do their best to make me conform from corporations like the police & governments to my in -laws that are born again Christians, who can’t handle the fact that I don’t subscribe to their notions.
 
I couldn’t give a rats what they believe, if their happy ( in religion)  I ain’t the one to question them and I never have.

But that doesn’t stop them questioning everything I stand for. They want me to be something I’m not and could never be.
 
They are control and I am chaos
 
 
Acceptance vs Resistance
 
 If your happy with the way things are going in the general scheme of things  ~ ok  ~  Good! 
 
But don’t judge other’s that don’t feel the same and don’t accept the current control.
 
The rebels, the misfits, the  lawbreakers, the one’s that don’t conform, The ones that feel it in their core to resist and not accept .
 
It’s ok to, stand up for your beliefs whatever they may be.

•  In being clear
• In being honest
• In being genuine

 
I have been locked up, been before the courts, had the book thrown at me (literally) fined, harassed and assaulted by the law, protested and picketed for what I believe in.
 
Been threatened and intimidated by Corporations, taking pics of my house and vehicles
 
Did it worry me; No !!!
 
We have the power to say NO to what we do not accept or situations that insult our soul and knowing.
 
This is my truth
 
 Hence  the unfucking stage commenced to unfuck myself from all dogma and rules
(still a work in progress)
  
I’m questing now, not searching:  A quest to for balance : To balance the religion brainwashing (patriarchal) and New age brainwashing  (Feminine)
 
To balance my masculine and feminine
 
To balance my left and right hemispheres of the brain
 
To honour and incorporate both in my daily practices. That’s my goal
 
 To stand up for those that can’t or need help including myself to honour my divine masculine, and be righteous in my divine anger/protection if needed from the father
 
To show compassion and nurturing for those that need it including myself to honour the divine feminine, and be righteous in my own divinity and universal wisdom from the mother
 
That’s my Nirvana , will I ever reach it ?

​Have no idea, but I do know…I’m going to have a most excellent adventure in trying.
 
 Rock on