,I don't know why I put lightbulb in the title? Maybe a lightbulb moment...hmmm
I haven't been around much and my internet is dodgy at best. In saying that my internet and electronic devices have always been weird. I think we should all communicate by telepathy...cut out the middle man so to speak.
So there's a dodgy connection that I can't do readings with. Not receiving emails, getting texts days later... I wish I could blame Mercury Rx but this shit standard.
This year however it's been more unstable than usual.
I figure it's a holding pattern. So just going with it.
A lot has happened this year, for EVERYONE...worldwide.
Whatever you believe about the Covid virus, the #qanon ( conspiracy)or it's a real thing...It has caused major division's worldwide.
I've seen and felt hate, love and shit that's blown my mind.
I don't think any of us that have lived this, will forget it.It's a defining moment.
I wonder what they will say about this period in time in 100 or 200 years? Will they judge, as we have?
Divide and conquer has been around for eons, it's still around.We are all guilty of it...all of us. Belief system's filtered through personal experience. Inherited and systemic beliefs, belief in authority, media or doctrine shape us.
I'm not going all love and fucking light, but I have always seen the importance of the humanitarian dream and oneness of connection. Maybe that's the journey we are all on? Connection to each other and the source. However Humans can be fucking hard work!
After living up in the hills for 4 months, my life has changed. I'm not the same as I was at the start of year, I don't think any of us are.
I'm noticing my own toxic and shadow patterns. The inherent patterns that I repeat until I catch myself.
I'm always prepared to shadow work, but there's always more. To fully go in and question why?
I've been totally in and into myself properly for the first time in years. I have the space to do it, without other commitments and it's lovely.
At first I felt quite selfish! ( what the fuck is that even!!!) because I wasn't giving a part of me to anyone.
The guilt and shame is inherent
That's what I've been working on the most.
I have always been in service, always. Numerology wise I'm a 33 which goes down to a 6 = service, family, care giving, healing. The fucking martyr complex.
Don't get me wrong, I know it's who I am, but sometimes you need to catch a breathe for yourself.
Guilt and shame are more shit that society piles on top of you and worst of all, we do it to ourselves and I'm fucking sick of it. They are useless emotions that cause anxiety and all other forms of illness.
I'm noticing the shame for owning your fears and others don't understand so thereby shaming you.
I'm noticing the guilt of things/situations that you can't control the outcome, thereby having guilty feelings about it.
Shame separates us all because we are so wounded by it. It divides and conquers us.
Let me name a few : Slut shaming, Body shaming, Gender shaming, Mum shaming
' oh she's a slut " "oh she's a terrible mother" Oh he's fat as a pig"
Sound familiar? So many way's we shame others and ourselves in the process.
I'm not saying we all need to be egotistical assholes or narcissists, but giving yourself a break from shame and guilt that's been piled onto you (self inflicted or otherwise)...is lovely.
I think the lightbulb is about half strength, hoping it will be shining like a motherfucking beacon soon.
Stay safe and Rock On