Truth: the seekers quest.
Some find it in connection to religion/spirit. The divine. I guess it’s all about perception and what you believe to be the truth and all our truths are different.
I haven’t found it spirituality at all. At the core, I understand it but I will never follow blindly, the concepts of religion or spirituality.
Which leads into the existential crisis syndrome. Why are we here? What Have we come to achieve? What’s our journey? Why?
I’ll always be searching, I know this. Some have said to me, When I find God, I’ll find peace. I’ve had that said to me on numerous occasions. May be that’s the search? To find the God within? Who knows?
I know very early on in my quest, I had a dream where I was sitting in a pub and a very non –descript man sat next to me. He looked me straight in the eye and told me I have everything I need within. I didn’t need to search without.
That dream, has stayed with me. I call it my God dream. Did I stop searching? Hell no. But what I did do was trust myself more.
I stopped buying the guru books and going to workshops to improve myself “spiritually”.
I’m not saying I know everything, because fuck me, I don’t. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with workshops either.
But for me, at that point in my life I was voracious and would go and learn anything I could. I would often walk away, feeling “undone”. I would go with a open heart and want to learn, only to walk away and be disappointed because I felt didn’t learn anything new. But like always, I did learn, it may not have been evident at the time.
Just not in the way I expected. I learnt how to be accepted, I learnt the “rules”, I learnt the new age way.
The biggest teaching for me was: I actually learnt how not to be.
Fast forward: So my journey continues with feeling like a fish out of the ocean or like alien stranded on a distant planet.
Why? Because I’ve been waiting for understanding. It’s not anyone’s’ job to understand me, I finally get it.
Just like it’s not my job to understand them. It is what it is.
(I have done previous posts on my journey through religion and the new age for my thoughts on it if you’re interested, check it out)
I thought I needed acceptance from peers but, more than anything I wanted to be understood.
That’s a huge mantle to carry, fucking depressing actually. We are all weird as fuck when you get down to the bones of it.
When people asked me what I do in healings, I could never explain it on paper or in words and it killed me. I needed/wanted people to understand and feel comfortable with it. And I never could.
So when I finally fitted the last piece of the puzzle, The weight lifted off me.
I have been doing distance healings, and it has been fantastic.
They are as freaky as fuck, just the way I like it. I’m in the in-between with no distractions. I can journey into your energy and clear shit. I still can’t explain it and I’m not going to. It’s just what I do and who I am.
That's my Truth.
Got a motherfucker in your energy? I’ll rip them out by their throat, then bless them.
Need a balance? I’ll Zen as fuck you
Haha That’s’ the best explanation I’ve ever come up with !!!
So yeah, If ya want a healing I’m only doing distance by appointment.
Nick Cave & Grinderman say it best with their lyrics to Get it on
"I had to get up to get down to start all over again
Head on down to the basement and shout
Kick those white mice and black dogs out
Kick those white mice and baboons out
Kick those baboons and other motherfuckers out
And get it on ,get it on, get it on
On the day that you got born"
Women’s empowerment in my opinion has gone backwards by about 50 years.
I’m going to get a lot of anger over this and guess what I don’t give a fuck.
If you get angry about the above statement at least be angry, righteous and fucking own it
When I was growing up, in my teenage years. If you were angry at anything, boys called you a angry lesbian, whatever cunt I’d say as I punched them in the dick.
Oh girls can’t fight, well just fucking watch me
Girls need to act this way… ohh fuck off
Girls need to be pretty and pliable….
Girls can be whatever the fuck they want to be
I rebelled against it when I was teenager and I’m rebelling now
No anger, No negativity, no darkness?
Well suck it, as a matter of fact suck my 3rd devil’s nipple (it’s gotta be useful for something)
A woman in her true power is not afraid to wear all the shades, like a motherfucking technicolor dream coat
Are you gonna cop slack? Yes ! Are people going to think your just a angry bitch, probably?
The new age, spiritual shit on top of it and underneath it all, is actually so absurd and dogmatic, that I can’t even.
Brainwashing for the masses under the guise of self-help, that I want to vomit.
It’s another religion, that dulls you and makes you compliant.
It teaches you to present a façade to the world, that your perfectly balanced in love and light.
I can feel the rage and seething from here, of the repression under another guise and mantle of the oppressors, as if we haven’t been repressed enough.
Turn the other cheek, who am I Jesus?
I’ll bruise your cheek if you fuck with me or mine
Have we been that brainwashed over the centuries, that we believe in it, in whatever guise it comes?
We turned from religion only to find it’s the same in the new age. Mind numbing
Don’t you dare have a opinion woman. Don’t dare show anger woman.
Don’t you dare
Well guess what, raise the red flag motherfuckers and I’ll tear it down with my wild, ferocious teeth.
I’ll spit it out as I walk away smiling.
I am the daughter of your original sin
I am not pure, I am not pliable
I am wild
I am her
I am rage
I am blood
I am Bone
I spit and curse against your shackles to whence they come from, build your own prisons to enslave your perfection
You’ll find me in the dirt, with a hex on my lips
You’ll find me in the stars with light in my eyes
You’ll find me on the streets with the outcast
You’ll find me free
Happy Full moon in scorpio and a very Happy HAPPY (30 April /1st May) Samhain in the southern hemisphere or Beltane In the north.
I'm rocking the dressing gown today, chilling hardcore.
Drinking copius amounts of coffee and just being witchy, because it's gangsta when you can just be.
Rocking some epic tunes
In my mind today: I'm untouchable and all the crazy energies that have been flowing through the cosmos can just fuck off for today.
Playing with the tarot, doing readings and getting a reading from a fellow witch and partner in crime.
Fascinating cards and past life vibes, well that will be another post :)
Heaps Brewing around that, some good ole hill wisdom from the Appalachian mountains and the granny witches. Below is a quote I've got all the feels for at the moment
“Walking. I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.”
― Linda Hogan
Very apt for Samhain, paying respect to our ancestors. The veils are very thin at this time, so it's a excellent time for paying homage. Giving thanks also for all that you are and have been in this life and the eons past.
I haven't done a blog in ages, because there wasn't much to say.I feel everyone is just about overloaded spiritually/physically with you know...LYfe!!
The website needed a uplift and I could't be fucked to be honest. It's a work in progress.
I reckon we have just been through some intensely, epic times. I feel it's getting clearer or we are getting clearer on what we want or don't.
I don't want to be influenced by anyone, nor do I want to be the influencer. I don't know shit about shit and I'm happy with that.
I know I can be wise and sometimes even epically insightful, we all can be. Time we knew that.
Hoping this finds you in full mojo and rocking the moon vibes
Aquarius & Eclipse season is here Yay!
Hope everyone got a chance to see the super, blue, blood moon last night!
(If you didn't, here is pic from Melbourne;Australia. When she was full ,before the eclipse )
I know in parts of Europe they will not be able to see it.The energy will still be there though, just because it's hidden, doesn’t mean you won’t feel it. The lead up to it was intense.
When the moon was in cancer ,before she transited into Leo I was melancholy and then when she moved into Leo I was pissed off, the lions roar was deafening. Such is the life when you live by lady luna cycles!
I know that sounds ridiculous, but if chart your emotions by the stars and moon…fuck me.
There has been so much cosmically happening this year already and we just moved into the second month of the year…head spins
Christmas and the new year was blur,questioning if it happened? Like legit!
Before Christmas ,I made plans in my head of what I wanted to to do in this year of our lord 2018. The focus was definitely coming from a place of I gotta do more spiritually.
The pressure of being a healer/death worker/tarot was getting to me. And I felt I needed to do more, obviously I was taking way too many drugs or not enough. (joking of course)
What a crock ! Because I was happy doing none of it. The martyr in me was activated…it’s always there. Every job I’ve ever had, has been one of service. A sense of duty.
From serving in pubs through school years, to becoming a personal carer and then nurse/ healer. Still in service.
Wanting to help people and being altruistic is definitely a part of it .
But last year held some big teachings.I closed down the FB page and decided I wasn’t playing there anymore. The spiritual world was leaving a bad taste in my mouth and was I looking out at it, rather than within.
Change comes through really looking at yourself and questioning the emotions and feelings.
There is always doubt and ya know the universal signs can just fuck you up even more, cause ya gotta decode that shit!
Albert Einstein is broadly credited with exclaiming
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”
Other verifiable evidence of the quote's original authorship come from:
1. Rita Mae Brown's 1983 novel, Sudden Death, published by Bantam Books, New York p.68 (attributed to Jane Fulton)
Before people with mental illness, get all up in my grille
This, I believe is not about a legitimate diagnosis of insanity
It's not meant to be taken literally
I believe it's about us all on the merry go round.
Day in day out and not getting off it to change the pattern.
So I wanted to change the thought processes and my ingrained need to be responsible and serve
Ohh I went there. Lots of cellular memory and patterns from life times past and all connected to this crooked path.
I had my solar return chart done by the star witch Mikailah
IT was Brilliant!
Mapped through the stars and planets of my choice to return through the galactic gate.
I explored more through the human design and found my path to be (no surprises ) The martyr / heretic
It’s all about Bless you /fuck you in one breath
Eternally searching for the truth, wanting to share with the masses what I’ve learned
“The 3rd line profile is driven to experiment with certain things or put themselves in situations so they can have an experience from which they extract truths
After synthesizing the impact, they then share the results with world or at least their local community. Because society judges some experiments as failures the 3rd line carries the moniker of Martyr.”
“The 5th line kicks in to share the results of these experiments/experiences in a projected way, The 5th line is driven to create this change, often geared toward changing the behavior of others. This projection also carries an absoluteness to it, as in “I know this is right.” However since this energy is projected, it needs to be invited. People don’t want change unless they are ready for it. If the prognostications of the 5th line are not invited then the 5th line person can feel the oppression of rejection or the insult of being ignored. This is why the 5th line carries the moniker of the Heretic.”
So to top it off I’m in my Chiron return too
The wounded healer
Like I said earlier ,cosmic baby
This year is all about me, as you can probably tell from the post !! haha
I’m not doing any readings/healings/tarot this year
The only work I will be doing is in service to death and the dark mothers: The keening Circles with Julia and Kaggi.
It feels so good to step away from the service of healing/tarot to others
I don’t know why, maybe it will return? Maybe it won’t?
I’ve learned one thing: If you feel you need to do it just out of responsibility, it’s not real or truthful and probably ego driven
It's Gotta make your heart sing
Then you know you’re on a winner
Woke up with all the feels of the bloodhound gang <3 In the bestest way xx
Well it’s the ass end of the year, wow (again)
It’s been a interesting year : lots of transformations/endings/beginning’s
2017 seemed gentler than 2016 for me personally…However on reflection, who was I kidding ?
Not in a bad way, just in a clearing way .
2017 has been epic. At times I thought I would break me but I’ve realised it just forged me in the fire. Rising like the motherfucking phoenix.
Unfucking and becoming clearer…no one said it was easy, ever. But I’m so happy I followed my spirit and trusted that innate intuition available when we tap into it.
Endings : I left my Job in March 2017 , one that I loved. Teaching & Training.
It was a hard decision to make, due to circumstances however it was made for me. I miss the people I worked with , the students and the general vibe of what I knew and taught.
It’s hard to walk away from what you know and into the great unknown.
I had job offers coming out of my ass and even though the dollar was calling I made the decision to trust what I felt instead (so underrated).
We always think it , we are reprogrammed when we come earth side throughout the years to lose trust in our own guiding light. Call it gut , intuition or whatever, but once you start trusting it, shit happens.
I had no money, broke ass bitch ,but something kept telling me it would be alright. I’ll admit there were times like : This bitch is on crack (my intuition).
A job presented itself, later in the year. Nothing connected to anything I have ever done: (spiritual work or nursing ) but rich in the blood line, connected to my ancestors.
It fit like a glove. Trust :Beginnings
My perception shifted and slowly the restraints, mostly self-imposed where coming off.
Not being attached to the outcomes helped
2017 feels like the year that when it didn’t serve you or your purpose. It changed.
Cosmically I know its been going off, lots of stuff related to childhood/past the wounds of the healer chiron , Lilith (the wild woman and conscious objector of all that reeks of fuckery ) being honest , however brutal.
Living in the moment feels like this years message, looking at the past but moving forward with no attachments. We can’t change the past , but we can learn from it.
I recently closed down my face book page, that I’ve had since 2010. It was like saying goodbye to a familiar but draining friend. The expectation to “post” for me was like having my legs waxed, yeah just no!
It felt like a duty, and I was conscious of what I wanted to say and I found myself censoring what I really wanted to say(sometimes). To make it more palatable,Insulting my own spirit.
Can’t abide that!
So closed that shit down :Endings
My direction has changed, again
I needed the foot up the ass, even though I can welcome change, thanks to my chaotic ruling planet Uranus you can usually find me being dragged kicking and screaming defiantly.
Funeral celebrancy is calling me and something I hope to pursue in 2018
The keening circles are the forefront of next year. It’s the only “spiritual “work that I’m feeling at the moment. I wrote this about the Keening back in April, it still stands and I think explains it perfectly.
“I can’t wait to meet and sit with you all in this deep well of love and keening.
I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be than in a deep space, with Julia & Kaggi in this offering. This work is sacred to us all and it means a lot to be sharing it with you in a fully supported place.
I thought I’d introduce myself for those that don’t know me
I have been in service to Death work for over 20 plus years now as a Nurse.
In Aged Care and the community, nursing Palliative patients and their families.
As a Death worker, I’ve assisted many people over the years in letting go, healing grief, creating ceremony,Ritual, holding vigil and in total service to what was needed by the person or family.
For the last two years I’ve been teaching Palliative care to students in the Aged Care field.
Wayfaring Death is a path we all walk.
I also wanted to share some information in regards to Grief. It’s not always black and white, it has many faces and in fact we can grieve on many levels; Grief is not always associated with a physical death.
It can be associated with a significant change, a major life event.
One common misconception is that grief progresses in a straight line and slowly gets better with time.
In truth, grieving tends to be a day-by-day process, and some days will be easier than others. There is no clear length that grieving is supposed to last; and everyone will feel it differently.
Another is that if someone is not outwardly displaying their grief, they are “doing well” or “staying strong.” But are they? We pretend and we try to make others feel better with our grief. It makes us/them feel more comfortable, nicely packaged and defined.
Goddess/God forbid we acknowledge “feelings”.
It’s a value that tends to be encouraged in our society, as many people are uncomfortable with displays of raw emotion and define them as a sign of weakness. Holding your grief inside can actually repress your thoughts and feelings in an unhealthy way.
We grieve in many ways for many things. Forgotten or repressed grief can lead to your pain resurfacing at an unexpected point later in life.
Allowing ourselves to keen for an event is very cathartic, in allowing yourself to feel, to sort through your emotions, and to mourn outwardly is considered to be extremely healthy in the healing process.
In honouring the timeless art of Keening we are singing back parts of our self to be healed.
Thank you fearless women. See you there”
Because its deep and I get to work with my fav 2 sisters from another mother.
Yep that’s where my heart is
In the deep.. If I can’t be there, I’m not playing
I want to focus more on my website and don’t ask me how, make it more interactive ? Anyway that’s what I’m feeling. I need to change heaps on the website and probably get a whole new platform. But that shit will come.
"Blood-shot your eyes drop and the skin's all wearing thin
There's no one here to tell you about the depth of the water or the trouble that you're in
You're dancin' with your demons baby you forgot your former lie and it was hard swimmin' once
and now you're daily divin' in ."
Lyrics: The Builders and the Butchers : Bringing Home the Rain
Art :Glyn Smyth:www.stagandserpent.com/
I adore this artist :)
Stay safe , Have a fab Christmas and most excellent new year
May The force be with you
Hola ! How is everyone travelling?
It’s getting to the pointy end of the year : Christmas just around the corner, people brains are flicking the switch to go into holiday mode.It’s heating up and we are thinking about lazy days of doing whatever we want.
It' s sorta become a ritual of mine, to think back on the year that was, around this time.
Half the time I’m gob smacked the wheel has turned towards the sun again. It only feels like yesterday that we celebrated the new year.
Reflecting on themes throughout the year and what I’ve learnt :what I sucked at, what worked , what didn’t and what I can put in my medicine bag for future reference.
Trust me , I am constantly learning through my shadow and light and notice ( when I pay attention) to what’s being taught.
Lately it’s been about humility or being humble
There is a fine line in being a complete asshole or being humble to a fault. I spin somewhere between the two , asshole one day, humble the next .
Situations have arisen, where my humility is tested…do I eat the humble pie and quietly say to myself......hmm
I don’t tell people half the shit I can do or my achievement’s because I’m a humble motherfucker ( see that , bravo ego fuckingbravo )
I guess it’s all about perception, if you are confident in your abilities ,you usually don’t feel the need to tell anyone that will listen. However, its truly a fine line in dumbing yourself down to make people feel comfortable. Hands up , how many times have you done that ? That shit has got to stop.
So yeah trying to work out the middle line
Asshole vs too Humble
Sometimes ya just gotta own how innately powerful you are, acknowledge your achievements and remind people of who they are fucking with, without being a dick....
Always be the queen , that you are
Video of PJ Harvey in her full powerful mojo <3
Been ages since my last blog
I have a million things to say and yet at the same time…nothing
Been moonlighting on the wharf or docks as a stevedore/ wharfie
and I gotta say , loving it !
I can swear to my heart’s content and not offend anyone, always a good thing haha
I am down by the water and see eagles every morning when I’m going to work and on the way home.
There is a Peregrine Falcon who nests down there and I see him every day. The port has nesting boxes there to preserve the bird wildlife
Surrounded by nature and paying homage to the ancestors
My family have always been been waterside workers, from Great grandfathers, great uncles to my own father,husband .brothers,son and my 3 daughters.
Yep ,that salty air does a thing or two to the blood that runs through our veins.
I’ve hardly been on social media, just because and to be honest I don’t miss it.
Just being and listening to awesome tunes
Staring at the sky and water
Holding my arms out and whispering blessings on the wind
Seeing the magic everywhere
Silence & Beauty
Getting ready and preparing for the Keeners next Saturday with two amazing women
Julia Ingliss from www.sacredfamiliar.com/ &
www.facebook.com/13MoonsBloodMysteries/ wouldn't and couldn't do it with anyone else…like ever
I can’t explain the connection we have to this work and each other, we are all in service to the dark mothers and the women that come to heal.
It’s like nothing I have ever experienced before, total love, trust and synchronicity.
I adore these two and the deep connection is profound.
There are a couple of places left if anyone is interested, you can visit Julia's website for more info :)
The keening reminds me of this poem by Lord Byron
She Walks In Beauty
She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
GEORGE GORDON BYRON
In June, 1814, Lord Byron attended a party at Lady Sitwell's. While at the party, Lord Byron was inspired by the sight of his cousin, the beautiful Mrs. Wilmot, who was wearing a black spangled mourning dress.This became the essence of his poem about her.
The poem was published in 1815.
This is how I see the women that come to the keening, walking in beauty <3
I have a confession to make:
You see I bought the lie. I immersed myself into the biggest lie there is…
It's very subtle until you see it. Bombardment on every level: physically, emotionally & spiritually.
It’s always felt wrong, like the rebel deep inside me ..saying resist, but the motherfuckers wore me down.
I bought into the mass mindfuck. At some point I stopped trying to resist and went knowingly and defeated into the pit. I lost my own intent and freewill.
I behaved to be accepted, to be liked and to be considered normal. (actually mortified)
I followed the rabbit hole with many to end up in never never land. A land of never never being real or never never showing the truth.
A land of false prophets and master slavers who numb your pain by feeding you saccharine laced bullshit.
Well fuck never never land….I’m out
My heart can no longer abide it.
I want to wander and be free, no rules to live by except: Don’t be a asshole
To see and experience the real beauty of the world and not be influenced by anyone or anything
To do the truth an honor by always telling it, even if it’s hard and messy
To revel in my rebellious nature and above all trust it
No more lies, no more adjustment to fit in, no more sugar coating
I’ve been slowly detangling myself for the past few years and I think I’ve finally unfucked myself.
There is an army of like-minded people out there. I call them my family and friends
Those that live in the shadows to shine the light and truth.
Those ratbags look the world firmly in the face and say a big fuck you to the mass mind controllers and benders of truth.
Those that rail against hypocrisy and injustice, always raging against the machine.
That’s my people. That’s me.
Time to celebrate <3
Rebel, Rebel ... I love her so
Dreaming. We all do it, apparently! Some dreams stick with you though. I can’t shake this dream I had recently. In a good way.
They say it’s our own voice speaking to us, when we are at our most receptive. Where the conscious and unconscious voices meet. In the in-between.
Some have prophetic dreams; others work shit out in the dream world or a mixture of both.
Sometimes you just don’t get a dream, no matter how hard you try.
Searching the internet and dream books for answers, even then it can elude you.
Other times the answers are so clear, like the universe just smacked you upside the head.
Leaves you smiling and an inner knowing like ....Yeah, I got this shit!
There are amazing people out there that interpret dreams and can offer such a great insight when navigating the sometimes murky waters of our dreaming.
I think when it comes to dreams and we try to decipher them, we forget to trust ourselves and inner knowing.
Trust yourself and the feeling. Writing it down can help to revisit later.
I wanted to share my dream.
I was on the phone to Nick Caves dad(Whom I know died when Nick was quite young around 19).
I was taking him lamb; that my husband had boned out for him. For the life of me I had to get this food to him. Like a mission.
My husband was with me and we travelled to a farm to give him the food.
I remember them (Hubby and Nick’s Dad) walking out the back and I stayed in the house.
There were cat's and kitten's on the lounge floor, so of course I’m on the floor playing with them.
Next thing I can feel water being sprinkled over the back of my neck, I knew it was Nick Cave and I was totally overwhelmed /shy and wouldn’t turn around to look at him.
(I love Nick Cave …always have. It’s not an Oh my god, I want to date him thing. It’s an OMFG this person is so amazing lyrically, he sings to our/my soul. Total fucking respect)
NOTE : I never dream about famous people…ever
Anyway, so I’m ignoring Nick Fucking Cave… here comes the water again, on my neck and back, sprinkles ahh how lovely it felt.
I realise I have to stand up and turn around and face him. He helps me up. Hey, I’m still overwhelmed and haven’t really looked into his face.
Next minute we are in the bathroom and he is standing behind me, I can see him clearly in the mirror. He spoke some things and then we hugged like long lost mates.
I woke up.
You could interpret this dream on so many levels, but I know what it means for me.
Ahhh feels to good to write about it !
Now I’m off now to listen to the “Prince of Darkness” as he is often referred as.
In my brain Nick Cave is so filled with light and raw honesty that it is fucking blinding.
But shhh don’t tell anyone, The world needs light masquerading as the dark.
Hail and welcome 2017
So how has the new year treated you thus far?
It’s been a bit of a mixed bag hasn’t it?
I started out with a bang, saw the amazing Nick cave and Bad seeds
Celebrated the Chinese new year in the city and found my badass self with the Transformers (Bumble bee & Optimus prime) Ya know saving the universe and shit :)
I think I peaked too early
2016 lessons were lingering and I needed to follow that shadow down the rabbit hole
Sometimes when your floundering around looking for answers to life’s problems/questions
It can hit you in unexpected ways.
I put it out to the universe many years ago to let me see, to always find the hidden, and I forgot.
To always see the divine, to see the joy in life and I forgot
To honor the freedom that’s my birthright and I forgot
To see the love and the connections and I forgot
To remember my past, present and future and I forgot
To unbind the fears and shackles of the past and live in the moment and I forgot
To always find it within and I forgot
Through the joy of that epic day mentioned above, the remembering came flooding back.
Restless, pissed off and uninspired
I grabbed the bull by the horns and rode that motherfucker into the darkness
It’s always where I find the light, always
We all have treasures hidden in our darkness
My darkness propels me forward to the light
I relinquished my control in the darkness
I hear my voice calling me and all my gifts
The good, the bad and ugly
To anyone feeling the same
Hear your voice in the dark
"When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow".
— Ursula K. Le Guin